I find this sort of literature extremely fascinating and with every article I feel I come one step closer to actually disconstructing each one of my own habits (good or bad). 

As I was reading at Starbucks the other day, making my way through yet another wonderful issue of Scientific American Mind, I thought of a brand new study I would love for some research neurologists to undertake.  I am honestly fascinated and painfully confused about how the brain malfunctions at such a high level that it allows someone to go out and actually purchase a HUMMER.

This study would be specifically geared towards people living within the city limits, or even those living in the suburbs, because its these gems that really need their head’s checked.

In case, those of you reading this happen to never have seen a Hummer, here’s a photo.  Yes, its ridiculous.

These vehicles were originally designed and built for the military, but even as far back as 1992 GM began bulding civilian models to sell in the retail market.   Because obviously, if these machines are good enough for the sand dunes in Kuwait, they’re good enough to drop off Sally and Alex at a soccer game in suburban Conneticut. 

I can almost guarantee that this idea came from some idiot son of a PTSD’d Gulf War Veteran who decided to go into marketing instead of enlist in the army.  His way of making daddy proud.

Officially, on the record, I consider anyone that drives a Hummer an automatic Asshole. 

Remember Monopoly, “Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200. You’re an asshole.”

NOBODY NEEDS ONE OF THESE VEHICLES. 

The worst is when I used to work on Bay St. in Toronto, Ontario Canada.  

Bay St. is Canada’s Wall Street. It’s a 2×2 street with fairly narrow lanes. It would be an off week if I could leave the office for lunch and not see some yellow Hummer with two wheels parked up on the curb and the owner no where to be found.  My guess was its usually some investment banker/ stock broker who thinks he owns every road in the Province just because he pretends to understand complex Derivatives. 

Be it Bay St. in Toronto or The Avenue of the Americas in New York City, these streets are made for compact to midsized cars, and yet people are driving Hummers within these cities like they’re securing checkpoints in Fallujah.

The people that drive Hummers seem to have such an ever-reaching need for that sensation of “power” that they only feel comfortable in their own skin if they’re driving around in a “mobile bank vault” as mention in an article in Wired.com

The Wired.com article states that not only are Hummer owners enormously arrogant buffoons, but they also receive almost FIVE TIMES more traffic tickets than any other driver. 

 Read that article —> HERE

And why are the Hummers ALWAYS yellow?

I mean, you’re driving a Hummer.  Do you really need to stand out even more?

You’re driving a huge vehicle that looks like it could take out a rhinoceros and that doesn’t make  enough of a statement for you? 

If you’re really THAT starved for attention why don’t you just go ahead and crucify someone and strap them to the roof . Trust me, you’ll be the talk of the town.

So for all of you sensible people out there, do me a favour please. If you ever hear your friend, child, sibling, cousin, nephew, godson, brother-in-law, spouse, or anyone else you know mention how they’re considering buying a Hummer, sit them down for a moment and have a little chat.

Feel free to slap them around if necessary, and highly recommend that they purchase a vehicle for use in regular society and take the difference in price and invest in some therapy and self-help books.   Because in reality, if you’re driving around in a monster vehicle like a Hummer without having any real need or use for it (farming, raising horses, military exercises, hunting terrorists, etc.) you need to stop worrying about size, and start checking out the rearview mirror, because something in there has gone terribly wrong.

In case you haven’t noticed, God’s got a pretty sweet gig.

Think about it.

He’s omniscient, all powerful, uber forgiving, and all those other neat super powers you can read about in Bible Comics. 

In what occupation in this planet can you combine the power, influence, and fame that is blindly given to high-celebrity, with the lack of accountability most of our school teachers currently enjoy? That’s right, there’s only one…

The Supreme Being.

Supernatural Overlord. 

The big…G-O-D.

Think about it.

Let’s say Johnny Christian finds out his best friend Skippy has cancer. Johnny’s first thought isn’t, “God, that jerk, why did he give Skippy cancer?”

Nope. Johnny usually goes straight to the, “Please wonderful God who controls the planet and makes all decisions for all of us, please save Skippy. I promise to go to church more often, never to swear, and I will burn my collection of Big Beautiful Booties. Just please save Skippy”. 

Not only does big G not take any of the blame for something that happens on his all powerful watch, but he acquires groupies begging for his mercy.  I mean, I’ve seen some high quality scams, but this is the crème de la crème.

Because then, even if Skippy takes a turn for the worst and ends up kicking the bucket, you think Johnny Christian would finally stand up and say,

“Listen G, WTF man? I stopped swearing, threw away all my favourite Big Beautiful Booties, and you still took Skipped.  What a jerk move! You can get your $10 a week from someone else!! We are through!”

But even THAT doesn’t happen. 

Instead, it turns into one of, “It just wasn’t in God’s plan”, “He’s in a better place now”, or my personal favourite, “God must have needed Skippy more than we needed him”.

Sure, because an all-knowing, all-powerful creature needs some random human to help him run the universe. That’s like Obama recruiting a parakeet to help him reform healthcare. I’m not buying it.

I just have never understood why it’s always an undisputed fact that God controls everything and decides on everything, but no one ever blames him for the tragedies that take place every day or holds him accountable for his decisions.  All I am looking for (though know I will never find) is a little more consistency in thought.

Imagine all men everywhere had this sort of influence:

Man- “Honey, I just wanted to let you know that I slept with your sister a few nights ago. I hope that’s alright.”

Woman- “WHAT? How dare you sleep with my sister?  I thought you were going to be faithful to me forever. You told me that if I had no other husbands other than you and didn’t covet anything that you would be a good husband to me and we would live a good life?”

Men- “Well, unfortunately, I know that’s what you thought, and you were great, but that just wasn’t the plan I had in mind.  My plan had always included me sleeping with your sister.”

Woman- “Oh, okay. Well, you must’ve needed her for a good reason then, I know how important that plan is”

Men- “Good, I’m glad. And by the way, Grey’s Anatomy has just been cancelled.”

Maybe this is why we never hold anyone accountable for their actions in today’s society. Perhaps this is why we accept substandard behaviour in everything from our educational and financial systems down to our personal relationships. If God is in control of everything, if he’s driving the car, “what the hell could we possibly do?”

Rarely do we ever hold one another accountable for our actions.

Rarely do we ever hold ourselves accountable for our decisions.

Rarely do we ever hold ourselves to a standard any higher than the last mistake we made.

It’s important to fail.

In fact, it should be encouraged, but not without productive, positive intent, and genuine effort.

We seem to be a society without standards, merely a line in the sand without rhyme or reason to its place.   

Too many people on this planet are so used to putting the fate of the world into God’s unaccountable hands, they’ve forgotten how to use their own.

For those of you who don’t know me (though you’re always free to email), within the past year I have been getting more and more involved in the internet marketing realm, specifically with selling information products online. 

A close friend of mine initially introduced me to the internet marketer’s lifestyle and ever since I got a glimpse into this world I haven’t really turned back.

I mean look at the benefits, my “office” is anywhere with internet access, my target customers never sleep (worldwide), and I don’t have to sit in an office listening to people complain and plot their 25 year plan of escape all the live long day.  Umm… where do I sign?

Now, almost 18 months after liftoff I am almost at the point of generating a full time income for myself and hopefully escaping the cube farm corporate zombies forever (my apologies to the zombies reading, no offense, it’s just not for me.)

 As I am still on a learning curve into the business, I’ve found the best way to learn anything, is to try EVERYTHING.   With so many social networking/marketing websites, tools, and software you never truly know what will help you reach your goals quicker and most effectively unless you try them all and stick with what works. 

Throughout the past year I’ve experimented with sites like Hubpages, Squidoo, Xanga, Facebook Ads, Facebook Fan Pages, Ezine Articles, Adwords, StumbleUpon, Digg, Reddit, GetResponse, BlogSuccess, and the list goes on and on and on…. and on.   

This is a tiresome task that seemingly has no end, but if I ever get discouraged I just remind myself that I could be a meeting discussing quarterly reports, synergy, and team dynamics.  Barf.

This tactic was especially relevant several months ago when I was introduced to Twitter. 

Read the rest of this entry »