Well, that time has come around once again. National Singles Day!

How challenging it must be for all of our comrades lost in battle and locked into relationships or *GASP* suffering through marriage that are unable to celebrate this joyous day with the rest of us triumphantly single folk.

National Singles Day is for both genders but I think the single men enjoy it more. We all know that this evening many single women will be locked in their homes alone or with their other single girl friends eating Mint Chocolate chip ice cream and going over why men suck, and at the same time secretly hating all of their coupled girlfriends. Whereas single men are looking in bars, clubs, Starbucks and Chapters for the single women that have resisted the temptation of Lindt and Cookie Dough.

Single men also have a different perspective on this time of year, because November 1st to February 14th is the single man’s relationship off-season. And tomorrow, February 15th, is the annual start of hunting season. Allow me to explain the logistics behind the single male’s calendar.

If the single male is thinking about getting serious with whatever girl is currently the most dialed on his cell phone the decision must be made by the end of October. This is the day we decide if the girl we’re currently dating is worth the emasculating pain, money, and time that the next 106 days demand. Halloween IS the point of no return.

After Halloween the madness begins… Two months of bag holding, perfume sampling, xmas gift hint decoding, work dinner partying, family gatherings, and then ultimately, gift evaluations on December 25th. The month following is spent sales shopping and most likely returning the thoughtful gifts us men took all of the morning of December 24th to search for and purchase.

The last week of January thankfully provides a one-week sanctuary before the Valentine’s Day planning begins. Chocolate, candies, flowers, chocolate, rose petals, chocolate, clothing, jewelry, and more chocolate; all for the chance at an evening of post-dinner Thank Yous. Don’t get me wrong, if you’ve chosen wisely on the evening of October 31st the season is a wonderful way to start a relationship and a lot of fun to be had. However, if you’ve chosen poorly, may whatever god you pray to have mercy on your soul.

So for those of us out there who are happy with the single life but wouldn’t mind changing gears; I wish you all a very Happy Singles Day and may your hunting season be successful and void of all high maintenance prey.

….and Happy Valentine’s Day to the rest of you. I wish you a wonderful evening of giving “thanks”.

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen

Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise. – Samuel Johnson

All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. – Leo Tolstoy

 

I cannot get enough of this Miss South Carolina thing. The video is up to 13 MILLION views so far and still climbing.

For those of you who don’t know what I’m referring to, check out THIS post from a few days ago for the greatest beauty pageant answer I’ve ever heard.

To add insult to serious injury, my favourite late night host Mr. Jimmy Kimmel had a beautiful monologue Tuesday night that included his own chalkboard breakdown of Miss South Carolina’s answer. Jimmy is in fine form on this one.

Check out Kimmel’s Monologue here

I want to feel bad for Miss South Carolina, but seriously, her answer was just so absolutely hilarious to me that it supersedes any possible sympathy I may have had for her.

But in her defense she did stick up for herself on the TODAY show. So I have to give her credit for not picking up after this nationwide fiasco and moving to somewhere like Honduras or Nicaragua where there still might be a few people that haven’t seen the YouTube clip.

Ever been in such a rush that you spray your bottle of cologne/perfume in the direction of your face 3 times and MISS your entire head each time? Well today was my day.

First time was frustrating because, of course, I was in a rush.

Second time was maddening

But the Third time? The third time was absolutely hilarious.

And the fourth time I felt the need to concentrate on the task like it was open heart surgery.

At this rate I may want to buy myself another bottle for backup.