I’m not referring to the Adam Sandler movie, I’m talking about that drunken groomsman who’s had 12 shots of Whiskey and starts thinking his rendition of Endless Love is finally good enough for a prime time audience.

When it comes to being a wedding guest the question that seems to plague us all is,

“How drunk am I really allowed to get?”

Now I’m going to answer this for those of us with little or no dependence on alcohol and who actually care about not making total and complete asses of ourselves. The rest of you are the ones that I must thank for making us look great in comparison.

I say the rule of thumb should be never be the drunkest guest at the wedding. Always aim for about 4th or 5th to be safe.

Check out the guests all day. You can usually spot who’s going to be hittin’ the sauce hard when the dinner starts. Like the old Irish uncle that’s been sneaking swigs from his flask since the 9am ceremony, the nephew that’s drinking wine from a mason jar, and certainly the maid of honour that just realized she’s 34 and not even close to getting married. If somehow you manage to get drunker than these 3 examples you’re surely to be spoken of and laughed at during every anniversary the bride and groom ever have.

As for the wedding party, I think its safe to be as drunk as the bride and groom. Or in this picture, maybe a little drunker, as long as you’re doing your best impression of what seems to be excessive constipation and hemorrhoid pain all while saving a horse and riding a cowboy to keep the crowd entertained.

Other factors that may come into play are things like what kind of wedding you’re at, and is there an open bar.   If it is in fact an irish or scottish gathering with an open bar, I think its safe to say let the fun begin, because having partied with these people before you’re going to have to put in some serious time to get anywhere close to 4th or 5th drunkest.  If you’re in the top 15 at one of these weddings make sure nobody gets you on camera.

But on the other hand, if you happen to be a guest at a mormon wedding…well, lets just say that without alcohol acting as the social lubricant for the evening it’ll be a different experience.

All in all I think its just important to stay within your personal limits and have a lot of fun.  Once you start requesting songs from the DJ in your head and dancing to them in the men’s bathroom, it may be time to take a break a hit the midnight buffet for a much deserved  coffee break.

Or if you’re like me and function much better with only a touch of whiskey, find the nearest Maid of Honour and ride her into the reception. YEEE HAWWW!!!

Donny Deutsche. The Advertising and Business mogul.

You’ve probably seen him on TV from time to time giving an interview to some political/financial pundit who’s looking for an expert opinion on pop culture and it possible impact on the marketplace.

Currently, Deutsch is the host of the talk show, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch on CNBC. and he’s been on The Apprentice numerous times.

I read an interview with Deutsche in Trump Magazine yesterday and he brings forth a great point that he’s written an entire book about called “Often Wrong, Never in Doubt”

In the interview with Trump Magazine he touches on society’s fear of failure. Deutsche encourages people to have a point of view, and have some conviction without letting the fear of failure paralyze you. Success is about letting yourself fall and being able to get up time and again. I found it amusing that Deutsche mentions all the “expert” talking heads. Television personalities are always sounding off on some current event often holding nothing but their own opinions and very little knowledge. (I thought that had been reserved for blogging).

I’ve always found it hilarious as to some of the people we take advice from throughout our lives.

Lets start with my high school guidance counselor. I’d never met or spoken to this man in my life, but from the looks of his war zone of a desk, extra large coffee cup, and blood shot eyes, I highly doubt his life had turned out as he envisioned. However, I’d walk into his office at the ripe age of 18 assuming he would know which direction I should steer my life. In my view I would have been better off picking up a Magic 8-Ball, reading my horoscope for the day, or flipping a coin on any and all decisions.

You’ll usually buy into someone’s conviction and confidence in themselves without even considering if they actually know what they’re talking about. My favorite example on this are catholic couples that go to their priests for marriage counseling. I personally don’t think they’re qualified. Its like me going to Lindsay Lohan for advice on sobriety, or Rosie O’Donnell for weight loss tips. No experience.

In discussions on this topic, quasi-points have been made on how a priest’s experience from marriage is derived from the many couples he sees over the course of his theological career and can therefore pull wisdom from those discussions. I can see this logic being more true for professional psychologists than the clergy though.

I think essentially relationships are the constant compromise and clashing of 2 distinct personalities. Therefore, in addition to dealing with many different couples, psychologist would typically have their own marriage experience, training in the psychology of relationships, and insight into why one person may be acting the way they are within the relationship.

In my opinion asking a priest for advice on marriage is like trusting a nurse to perform open heart surgery just because she’s seen it done before.

I don’t mean to pick on priests but its a shining example of how sometimes we give control of our own lives away for fear of messing it up ourselves.

I think in the long run its best to fail and learn from a decision you’ve made yourself, than from one you’ve delegated. Not to mention, if you take the road alone and are successful, guess who gets ALLL the credit??

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to Paris Hilton’s seminar on “How to live a dignified life.”

Within the sunny little bubbled classroom of Idealism 101 it is indeed the best policy, and definitely one I TRY to subscribe to.

However, I think Gen X’ers tend to hang their hats in Cynic-ville, where most of us look at a weak statement like “best policy” and think “Says who?”, “Well, it depends on the situation” or “Fuck that, every time I’m honest with someone I get screwed over” and so on and so forth.

I mean lets look at some interesting, yet completely irrelevant best policies in the work place:

Don’t make personal calls. Don’t surf the web during work hours. Don’t date your co-workers. Don’t call your boss an asshole in front of 30 people during your first week on the job.

What?!?! Honesty is the best policy and he was being an asshole. ‘Nuff said.

But for me, the most amusing is just taking the time each day to see how people respond to the easiest of questions, “How’s it going?”

It seems that – and rightfully so -people always upgrade their day so not to seem like a drag, or a stick in the mud. I do tend to agree with this though, as the last thing I want is to share with my co-workers the fact that this morning I found out I may have hemorrhoids. Not the best “team building” exercise in my opinion. But just for a few days I’d love for people to answer me with the truth.

I’d like to walk into the office one day with a huge smile on my face, and just yell, “Good morning, how is everyone today?” And then from the depths of every cubicle hear a puke-fest of truth-telling.

“This job is stealing my soul”

“Can’t talk, watching porn”

“Today I realized I should’ve never had kids”

“I couldn’t be better, my this morning my wife finally let me use the back door”

Nevermind, that would be horrific. And I thought Facebook and blogging impaired my workday productivity. There is in fact such a thing as too much information.

But I think the TRUTH of the matter is that honesty is a great thing, and brings people closer together, but without an element of common sense can get far out of hand.

I think its somehow all rooted in our own personal fears. We’re all scared of what someone may think of us, scared of what their perceptions might be. Some of us are scared of who they are, who they might be, and what MIGHT be said about them. From your thoughts, to your actions, to your words, they’re all yours, and to have someone else pass judgment on them isn’t always gummi bears and lollipops.

But the worst part, is that we’re usually not even afraid of the tangible, definite facts, mostly just phantoms. The scenarios that exist in our own minds are the ones keeping us from saying or doing the things we’d most like to. In most cases, we’re either scared, or sometimes even terrified of being who we really are.

I think in a lot of ways honesty has taken a seat on the bench, since its really not in play as much as it should be anymore. I mean how are we as individuals supposed to grow into compassionate, wiser, more intelligent people if the whole world is one big group of yes-men. If we’re never exposed to different opinions to contrast our own there’s no way of knowing if we’re heading in the right direction or not (see: Texas).

Obviously there’s a huge gray area here, and again, like everything in life, I don’t believe anyone should speak in absolute terms; but I like to think all of us would benefit from adding at least a little more truthfulness in our lives… Honestly.