And it couldn’t have been said better than by the Count himself.

“Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next-what makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome, “do your worst!”, for I will do mine.”
-The Count of Monte Cristo

This is part of what I think of when I think of certainty/security. As I believe I’ve mentioned before, the brain craves certainty.  Always wanting to know what is coming next, this must be evolutionary.  The need to know where our next meal is coming from, the safety of our family and friends is assured, and the location of adequate shelter.  As always, its about survival.

The human race hasn’t really evolved much past its caveman days, aside from the ability to not die from small pox and sporadically create above average television, but now in western civilization we simply look to different things to guarantee our sense of illusory certainty.

But the way I see it, the eccentric that I am, that the only certainty there is in life is uncertainty. There’s nothing we can depend on in this life, especially in this specific time in history.

Governments are unstable and corrupt, relationships are fragile, our health seems like a guessing game, and the afterlife…well, I guess that depends on which cult you belong to.

Life IS a ride.

And the most thrilling rides are those in which you’re not sure what’s coming next.

Why do you think people that have gone Skydiving tell you it was the most exhilarating rush of their lives?

Or why do people get unparalleled clarity and perspective from a near death experience?

Because the rest of our lives is spent living in a bubble we’ve formed around ourselves, sheathed in the lie that we know what’s going to happen tomorrow.  We convince ourselves that today and tomorrow is a certainty and slip into a deep coma of bordeom and complacency, pretending for the rest of our lives that we know what’s ocming.

But we don’t…. and while the conscious mind tries to hide, our brain knows what’s up.

So it goes looking for novelty, a way to feel alive.

This is where activities as unimaginative as watching a horror movie, sports fanaticism, or gambling become acceptable substitutes for life itself.

Why do you think people typically find so much joy in the early years of parenthood?

I hear this a lot (and I am sure you have too) from new parents:

“Oh, its incredible, everyday is something new.”

Of course it is.

I’m starting to think that vitality and happiness awaits us in embracing the uncertainty of life. Because maybe, if we can all find a way to accept life’s unfortunate randomness and illogical circumstances…

We can let go of the rest of the inate fears that seem to control and dictate the rest of the human experience.

The best we can do is look daringly into life as we say,

“Do your worst, for I will surely do mine.”

Except for a few overnight trips around Spain and 8 days in Italy, we decided to spend our time primarily as Barcelona locals. And the experience has been eye-opening regarding the difference between home in Hamilton, Ontario and the life in Spain.

Now of course, the major difference most people need adjusting to for a long trip like this is the lack of family and friends nearby, although with skype, gmail chat, and super great calling rates the only real difference I have noticed is the time zone difference.  Living my life 6 hours ahead of the majority of the people that are important to me makes communicating rather tricky at best (although it may also be because I have made a temporary exodus from Facebook and no longer have IM on my iphone.

But most important, I think what I am starting to realize is that I am just much more comfortable, and consequently happier, living the minimalist lifestyle (which I only realize while I am traveling).   The most relaxed and happy I have ever been in my life is when I have been traveling and living in Europe.

Warmer winters aside, I have always loved the freedom of having an entire continent and the thousands of years of history at my doorstep. I find the thrill of new adventures are ever so close and available and I enjoy the constant emails from family members about “being on yet another trip. Are you even going to settle down?” lol.

My simple answer…. probably not.

For some the term might be a description of a calmer, gentler, less scary, kinder life. The point in time in when you become an adult. Life is stable, and you can take solace in the fact that you know where your future is headed.

Personally I think that’s a bit delusional so my personal definition is slightly different, and in fact, the term itself makes me a little nauseous and uncomfortable, like when someone farts near you in a small room after they’ve had mexican food. yeh, kinda like that.

Remember as a kid when you were having an incredibly fun time with your friends, laughing and making up absurb ways to make one another laugh?

Then just when you were about to start creating the rules for a new game you could play with a 3-legged dog and a box of apple jacks  comes the sound of pseudo authority reigning down their opinions and judgement with the famed buzzkilling request of,  “settle down” guys.

I don’t see much of a difference in this example and the suggestions most of my well-intentioned friends and family mean.

I have never been the “get married, buy the biggest house I can afford, start a family, and start buying/collecting things forever” type of person. And as for landscaping and home-repair… well, let’s just say those skills and desires were not passed down through genetics.

To watch me try to hand a painting on a wall is akin to watching a blind man paint a portrait.  Sure it might get done in the end, but it’s not gonna be pretty during of after. So instead of deciding that my life has to be a certain way that sounds awful to me, somewhere along the way I decided to start being honest with myself in terms of what is really going to make me feel fulfilled in this one shot at life.

Most people from the time they are in their early teens, dream of owning their own home. They scrimp, and save and work 2, 3, 4 jobs and do whatever they have to do to make that dream come true, and I applaud that goal. Its lofty and its attainable.

But for me, for whatever reason, I never really cared to own a house.  Didn’t seem “interesting” enough to me. And everyone I know that owns a home, after a couple months of moving in, doesn’t really have anything overly positive to say about it. Unless of course they are buying new things for their home, or changing the way it looks, then of course they’ve got more than enough to say.

Its not a big secret that humans thrive on novelty.  New things excite us, they make us yearn for more and feed the reward center of our brains with the satisfaction of gathering new information and experience. And in my eyes, owning a home always got in the way with chasing experiences I wanted.   It was never the novelty I was chasing.

I’m not against marriage, nor having a family, but my idea of settling down has evolved to a significantly different place than most of the people I know.

For example, I’ve recently (the last couple years) met and become friends with people who travel quite regularly, home school their children, and live a life of experience and learning.  It has really been eye-opening for me, and has blown the doors off of all my misconceptios about home schooling.  ( Yet another case of me finding out something I have been so clearly ignorant about).   With all of this new knowledge of “non-settlers” not only did it make the case for “settling down” even more off-putting, but its given me new vision of what marriage and family can mean.
Its like there is this completely other dimension and I have found a new species of human being and not to mention this paradigm shift would allow me to keep connected with the one true love of my life…. traveling and learning.

Every since I returned from my first backpacking trip through Europe I don’t think I ever honestly let go of that feeling.  The euphoric rush of arriving by plane or train into a new city, or each day learning something new. Or even better, meeting someone new.

I still remember my long flight home from Athens to Toronto (via London) after my 6-7 week trip through Europe in 2003.

I sat in my upgraded British Airways seat, the humble realization and satisfaction of all that I had seen and experienced flooding over me like a series recap of my favourite TV show.  I was, at that time, completely content with my life and what I had achieved by facing my fears and leaving behind the city, country, and continent I had become so accustomed to.

Looking back at that flight home in October of 2003 up until this moment, I think I now realize how much that trip changed my life, and opened my eyes to just how much of life I was missing while staying comfortably nestled in my cocoon inside Canada.    It was this feeling that has propelled my travels and my current lifestyle.

And though I know not what the future holds for my mobile lifestyle, my online business, or… anything else for that matter; should it all crash and burn tomorrow, it would have been all worth it (especially with this incredible 20 days I’ve already had on this trip).

Regardless of what it may be that makes me happy, everyone is starkly different in their needs.  Each of us individually are the only keepers of to the answers of our own happiness. But I think as long as any of us just keep pushing ourselves towards personal accomplishment and satisfaction, and our type of enjoyment isn’t negatively affecting anyone else, well…

Never *settle.

*”settle” being your own personal definition.

Wilson’s character was trying to convince his friend to be a good husband and forget about their week off from marriage and just grovel to their wives for forgiveness.  But the retort from the friend, played by Jason Sudekis (famous for SNL and dating January Jones), was interesting.

Sudekis asked Wilson if he was living his dream or not (which clearly he wasn’t, he was an emasculated suburban dad). Then he went to explain how his unhappiness and mediocrity in life was in direct correlation to his wife getting to live her dreams.

He went on to say that women, as little girls, most generally dream about their wedding day and having a husband, a nice house and a baby.  Sure, there are women with some grander ambitions, but at the core (from an evolutionary and Cosmo perspective) women are programmed to dream of this life.    And Wilson’s character, by buying her their house, getting her pregnant (twice), and making her a wife and a mother he directly made her dreams come true.  Whereas his getting married, pretty much shut down any dream that he ever had as a little boy.

No man I’ve ever met dreams of paying a mortgage, supporting a family on his income, and only having sex with one woman for the rest of his life.    I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this lifestyle, I’m just saying no male dreams of this scenario as an succesful end goal…. ever.  It just seems to be where the majority end up.

Now, I try not to make it a habit or getting my philosophical ponderings from terrible films, but I must say, this part definitely wasn’t as stupid as the rest of the dialogue

NOTE: This entire post is more of an open hypothetical question than an actual opinion but I do think its an interesting perspective.

How many men dream of big things in the teenage years?

They dream of being the superstar athlete, the successful executive, a famous actor, or maybe jet setting entrepreneur.  And in th end the idea is that one spouse is living within their goal and the other isn’t.  The women have aspired to something (being a loving wife and mother) and achieved it and can hang their hat on that, whereas the other spouse has arrived at a reality that was more of a compromise and a  Plan B (or maybe C or D).

To be clear, contrary to my girlfriend’s opinion, I don’t have a problem with marriage, directly anyways.  I think making a lifelong commitment to someone is a very good thing, and raising children that actually contribute positively to society is a task most people don’t even take the time to appreciate until their kid turns 13… but I just wonder how many guys out there wake up at age 40 or 50 and realize that their dreams were sacrificed so that their wives could live theirs.

Or even, how many people, men and women, are living out relationships that they truly know aren’t right for them because they feel it’s easier to stick with the current person than venturing back into the unknown in the chance of finding someone that’s truly your perfect match?

The Male/Female relationship dynamic is definitely one of the more interesting things to talk about because its so multi-faceted, and I really don’t have an answer.  But the truth is, you’re the only one that can answer all of those questions.

Is your life a compromise for fear of achieving bigger things or is it the path you really want?  And of course usually, unless you’re really in the shit, you’ll tell those closest to you how amazing your life is, but when you and I go to sleep at night, or get up in the morning…. only the person in mirror really knows if we’re exactly where we want to be.

Not a bad thought experiment for a shitty movie though.

Finally, a ranting celebrity that I don’t want to see maimed by a wolf.  Sure, Sheen’s eccentic, but he was the jock on The Breakfast Club for chrissakes.  The guy has been super famous since the 80s.

That’s over 30 years of living in a world that most of us will never have any idea about. And no, reading InTouch magazine doesn’t qualify you as an insider. Although it might quality you as mentally absent.

Charlie Sheen was in Platoon, Wall Street, and then a bunch of other stuff along the way… and then 8 years ago he started starring in the now #1 comedy on television- Two and A Half Men.   This guy IS a celebrity rockstar.  Who also, lets not forget, comes from a famous family.  He’s Hollywood Royalty.

So why is it that everyone is so shocked or surprised that he’s turned out as an eccentric who thinks his life is just one “WIN!” after another… News Flash!  Sheen’s life is exactly that, one big win after another.  His life is just one perpetual celebration. Sure he’s a high functioning alcoholic, but I can name probably one hundred people that are consistently sober whose brains barely function at all.   Given the choice, I would choose Team Sheen in a heartbeat.

On the scale of success in which we actually judge each other,  Charlie Sheen is kicking some serious ass.  He spent more money by the time he was 25 than most people will make in their life times, and has probably seen and experienced things that married men who hide their porn addictions from their wives can only hope to even find online.   Though ironically, since everyone now knows which porn star he lives with, I’m sure her online search queries are through the roof.

Society seems to ascribe everyone to this life of mediocrity, and made it acceptable to lead a mediocre life.  And sure, there is nothing wrong, or mistaken to live a “normal” or mediocre life, but let’s at least be honest with ourselves.  There are some people out there that strive to live large!  These people try to live up to their own dreams and ideals, and sometimes its quickly or sometimes its slowly, but eventually most of these people pull away from the pack and its obvious who is living and who isn’t.

Like Oscar Wilde said:  “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

I’ll admit, I know people that are truly living their lives. They dismiss the nonsensical goals and restrictions pushed on most of us by family or peers, and they aim higher. And contrary to popular belief, this Tiger Blood mentality (which Sheen claims he has) has absolutely nothing to do with money, it has to do with simply trying, and honesty.

We live in a society where a mass amount of people work in institutions that were founded and built upon the idea of easily replaceable workers, structured into a factory, a union, or a corporation, without many options except…

“Follow our rules, collect a stable paycheck, say what we tell you to say, retire, collect your pension, and go quietly into that sweet night.”

For better or for worse this is something I”ve never been able to do, normal institutions and most ideals passed down by my parents and grandparents have never made sense to me. Not because they don’t mean well in their advice or suggestions, but their era is a vastly different era than we live in today.   Much more is possible today than even 10 years ago, nevermind 20, 30, or 40 years ago.

We have to stop listening to our parents, or those we are told are in charge and take their words as gospel (or even taking the gospel as gospel).   Most of these “authority” figures haven’t a clue what they are talking about, they’re just passing down what someone else told them.  Just because a paradigm of thought made sense yesterday, does not necessarily make it true today.  Too many people are living their lives without thinking and just doing whatever is easiest opposed to what is needed to live the lives they expect of themselves.

I admit, I struggle with this each and everyday.   I definitely have the tiger blood, and its my goal not to live a life of mediocrity, but actually following through is not easy.  Getting up everyday and not taking the easier path, which may or may not include a 4  hour nap, an ice cream, and some funny cartoons is a constant challenge.  But its one I continually have to make in order to keep WINNING.

The hardest part of this process is just being honest with myself and asking,  “Where do I really want to be in X amount of months, years, etc?” and then I have to be honest with what it will take to get there.

Its like losing weight, you might want to eat a cheesecake, but you have to be honest with yourself that every bite of that cheesecake is either undoing, or slowing down your progress to your ideal weight.   And people that continue to take the easy (or easier) route for each and every decision of their lives will eventually find themselves in a place that even clever rationalization won’t help them with. Although ironically, some cheesecake might numb the pain (insert reference to north america’s obesity epidemic).

So let’s all try to avoid a fate in which we let ourselves down.

Because if we exist in a state of apathy for long enough we’ll begin to think its the way life should be, and its not. Lets be serious, those that really know you notices if you’re not living up to your potential, just like they notice if you do.  And I think too many times we think we are fooling everyone, but if you can’t fool yourself, why should the rest of us be fooled?

Life is about chasing everything you want out of it.  So if that means dumping/divorcing someone, quitting your job, selling your house, or just flat out starting to listen to the kid inside your head that is still crying out loud for you to follow your dreams and have some more fun…. well, then that’s up to you to do.

As for me, I am going to try to keep channeling my inner Charlie Sheen, stay honest with my own goals vs. the imposed goals of my peers/family/mediocre society and keep on winning until there’s no more time left on the clock.

Because if you’re not winning, you’re losing… especially if you’re not even in the game.

Good luck!