And it couldn’t have been said better than by the Count himself.

“Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next-what makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome, “do your worst!”, for I will do mine.”
-The Count of Monte Cristo

This is part of what I think of when I think of certainty/security. As I believe I’ve mentioned before, the brain craves certainty.  Always wanting to know what is coming next, this must be evolutionary.  The need to know where our next meal is coming from, the safety of our family and friends is assured, and the location of adequate shelter.  As always, its about survival.

The human race hasn’t really evolved much past its caveman days, aside from the ability to not die from small pox and sporadically create above average television, but now in western civilization we simply look to different things to guarantee our sense of illusory certainty.

But the way I see it, the eccentric that I am, that the only certainty there is in life is uncertainty. There’s nothing we can depend on in this life, especially in this specific time in history.

Governments are unstable and corrupt, relationships are fragile, our health seems like a guessing game, and the afterlife…well, I guess that depends on which cult you belong to.

Life IS a ride.

And the most thrilling rides are those in which you’re not sure what’s coming next.

Why do you think people that have gone Skydiving tell you it was the most exhilarating rush of their lives?

Or why do people get unparalleled clarity and perspective from a near death experience?

Because the rest of our lives is spent living in a bubble we’ve formed around ourselves, sheathed in the lie that we know what’s going to happen tomorrow.  We convince ourselves that today and tomorrow is a certainty and slip into a deep coma of bordeom and complacency, pretending for the rest of our lives that we know what’s ocming.

But we don’t…. and while the conscious mind tries to hide, our brain knows what’s up.

So it goes looking for novelty, a way to feel alive.

This is where activities as unimaginative as watching a horror movie, sports fanaticism, or gambling become acceptable substitutes for life itself.

Why do you think people typically find so much joy in the early years of parenthood?

I hear this a lot (and I am sure you have too) from new parents:

“Oh, its incredible, everyday is something new.”

Of course it is.

I’m starting to think that vitality and happiness awaits us in embracing the uncertainty of life. Because maybe, if we can all find a way to accept life’s unfortunate randomness and illogical circumstances…

We can let go of the rest of the inate fears that seem to control and dictate the rest of the human experience.

The best we can do is look daringly into life as we say,

“Do your worst, for I will surely do mine.”

Have you ever been in a room with a few people, maybe even at a party, and the whole group has been rambling on about some inane topic and all you can think about, are all the other ways you could be spending your time?

Maybe it’s just my perspective, but aside from paying my mortgage and the health of me and my loved ones, there’s not much else that I really find that important.  Sure, I have my audacious and ambitious goals for the future, and plans for success, but when it all comes down to it, as long as the people I love are safe (from diseases, heart attacks, nuclear and/or natural disasters), and I’ve got enough money for next month’s payment…. I can’t really find the energy to give a shit about some of the other topics people seem to devote so much of their lives to.

I think I kind of know when I started down this path.

In 2000, long story short, I thought I had a fatal illness.  Thankfully, after one last minute canceled surgery and another completed surgery I found out that I didn’t. But I believe it was during that time that I realized how truly precious life is. That no matter how difficult things can get from day to day, as long as you’re still breathing and moving along… everything is going to be okay.

I know it’s not easy.

If a bus runs through a puddle and soaks you from head to toe, that reeaaally sucks.

Maybe the love of your life loving is now someone else’s life, double sucks.

But tomorrow is another day…

I remember in 2005, when I was living in London, England and was having a really tough time hitting my sales quota
in my new environment. I don’t know if it was the new team, the product I was selling, or maybe I just hated the job so much I wasn’t willing to put in the effort; regardless, it was tough.

Everyday I used to walk out of the office at the end of my shift around 8pm, stressed to the max.  Almost every night I used to go for dinner with a good friend of mine who worked in the production side of the business. Every night this poor guy would hear my daily rants, and offer an ear.  But one day he decided to lend some words as well, and I will never forget this exchange:

HIM– “So let’s say you don’t hit your numbers this month, and let’s say you don’t hit your numbers for the next
3 months… what’s the worst that can happen?”

ME–   “Are you drunk? I’ll get fired”

HIM– “So..?”

ME– What do you mean so? I. Will. Be Fired.”

HIM– “So you find another job? Its just money.  Its not like they’re going to kill you.”

Of course, this got a good laugh out of both of us, and quickly defused my anxiety.

We discussed the topic a little more, as I had a really tough time wrapping my head around his, “It’s just money” comment, but in the end, he was right.

The rest of the night was spent in a totally stress-free state of mind as my friend and I decided at 26 years old, to find ourselves a couple Bounty Ice Cream bars, an arcade, and just have some fun. It was a great night.  One that we gladly repeated various times throughout our working together.

The next day, I went back to work.   And surprise surprise, I never did get fired.  However, six months later, at the height of my earning potential, I was so unhappy there, I quit.   Remember… it’s just money.

I think its too easy for a lot of us in western society, especially of us that are in the middle, or upper middle-class, to lose our perspective and sight of what’s really important.

Lets take me for example: With my new business, I have done pretty well for myself in the past year.  In 2010 I am proud to say I achieved an income above six-figures and an independent lifestyle, which was my short-term goal.

So that probably, give or take, puts me in the richest top 2% of the entire world.  If you’re reading this, you are probably in that 2% as well, if not the top 5%… OF THE WORLD!

There are billions of people on our planet that each and every day, wake up, and they don’t know if they’re going to make it to the end of the day.

Some don’t know where their next meal is coming from, how they’re going to feed their children, or if, in their entire lifetimes they will be able to know what it feels like to live in a country without war and oppression.

My biggest problem today was that my wonderful girlfriend and I couldn’t figure out how to schedule our evening.  Dinner? Movie? Dinner and a Movie? Go to a show? No, maybe a club? Maybe some sexy time later?

So to face this brutal challenge, I made myself a sandwich, read a book, took a nap, and when I woke up it was sorted out.   Geez, what a nightmare that was.

Sure, that’s a light problem day, but even on my worst days, things are still relatively, pretty awesome.

I know it sounds hilarious, and that’s simply because the dichotomy of our world is so completely absurd that our initial reaction is to laugh… but let’s be serious, it’s pretty fucked up.

We have billions of human beings that cannot afford a $1 hamburger and don’t have access to clean water. And yet, instead of finding ways to help our own species survive, there are people out there who spend the better part of their days lobbying governments against the right for two people of the same gender that love each other from getting married.  I mean, where are our sensibilites?  And that’s just one example of a group of people that are waaaay too numerous for us to consider our society ‘civilized’.

Also, maybe we could dial down the importance of ESPN SportsCenter’s highlights and start understanding that professional athletes are, in reality, much less important than your local garbage man.    What was that? Did I see the amazing game last night? No, I didn’t, sorry, maybe I’ll catch one of the next 3000 that are on TV this month.

We get so overcome with the benality of life that we give the most unimportant decisions, events, and issues too much gravity in our lives.

Does it really matter if your fancy watch is real or fake? (does it make the time move any slower?)

Whats the matter? I can’t get my TV in a 48″ plasma, I have to take the 42″ instead? What a tragedy.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still get bent out of shape for the stupidest of things too, but I do try REALLY hard to not get sucked into the idiocy that surrounds us all.

These big issues are difficult for any of us to focus on, but maybe if we all just had a little more perspective, or perhaps a touch better grasp on things in our lives that really do matter, we could stop spending our time with all this other bullshit.

Because the reality is, for most of us, we need to relax.  They can’t kill us…

Wilson’s character was trying to convince his friend to be a good husband and forget about their week off from marriage and just grovel to their wives for forgiveness.  But the retort from the friend, played by Jason Sudekis (famous for SNL and dating January Jones), was interesting.

Sudekis asked Wilson if he was living his dream or not (which clearly he wasn’t, he was an emasculated suburban dad). Then he went to explain how his unhappiness and mediocrity in life was in direct correlation to his wife getting to live her dreams.

He went on to say that women, as little girls, most generally dream about their wedding day and having a husband, a nice house and a baby.  Sure, there are women with some grander ambitions, but at the core (from an evolutionary and Cosmo perspective) women are programmed to dream of this life.    And Wilson’s character, by buying her their house, getting her pregnant (twice), and making her a wife and a mother he directly made her dreams come true.  Whereas his getting married, pretty much shut down any dream that he ever had as a little boy.

No man I’ve ever met dreams of paying a mortgage, supporting a family on his income, and only having sex with one woman for the rest of his life.    I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this lifestyle, I’m just saying no male dreams of this scenario as an succesful end goal…. ever.  It just seems to be where the majority end up.

Now, I try not to make it a habit or getting my philosophical ponderings from terrible films, but I must say, this part definitely wasn’t as stupid as the rest of the dialogue

NOTE: This entire post is more of an open hypothetical question than an actual opinion but I do think its an interesting perspective.

How many men dream of big things in the teenage years?

They dream of being the superstar athlete, the successful executive, a famous actor, or maybe jet setting entrepreneur.  And in th end the idea is that one spouse is living within their goal and the other isn’t.  The women have aspired to something (being a loving wife and mother) and achieved it and can hang their hat on that, whereas the other spouse has arrived at a reality that was more of a compromise and a  Plan B (or maybe C or D).

To be clear, contrary to my girlfriend’s opinion, I don’t have a problem with marriage, directly anyways.  I think making a lifelong commitment to someone is a very good thing, and raising children that actually contribute positively to society is a task most people don’t even take the time to appreciate until their kid turns 13… but I just wonder how many guys out there wake up at age 40 or 50 and realize that their dreams were sacrificed so that their wives could live theirs.

Or even, how many people, men and women, are living out relationships that they truly know aren’t right for them because they feel it’s easier to stick with the current person than venturing back into the unknown in the chance of finding someone that’s truly your perfect match?

The Male/Female relationship dynamic is definitely one of the more interesting things to talk about because its so multi-faceted, and I really don’t have an answer.  But the truth is, you’re the only one that can answer all of those questions.

Is your life a compromise for fear of achieving bigger things or is it the path you really want?  And of course usually, unless you’re really in the shit, you’ll tell those closest to you how amazing your life is, but when you and I go to sleep at night, or get up in the morning…. only the person in mirror really knows if we’re exactly where we want to be.

Not a bad thought experiment for a shitty movie though.

The mere fact I allowed myself to get involved in a debate with two catholics about religion, for over an hour, was my first mistake.

The more logical thinkers I meet and discuss life, religion, and philosophy with, the more I am told to choose my conversations based on an understanding of listening and mutual respect, not on circular religious debate. Better to speak through open windows than closed doors.   More and more I see what they mean, but only to an extent.

If you choose only to embark on discussions of faith and fairytale that is religious based reality, with those that are in your corner, it furthers no one’s point of view, merely your own ego.  Which is I think I truly enjoy, as much as they might bother me, a debate with those who clearly see the holes in their faith, yet still shield themselves from the blinding light of truth that shine through.

No two opinions collide more violently than those of believers and non-believers, and in this context I wish to use the term ‘believers’ as those that believe in the religious doctrine, not specifically that of a superpowered, magical being who allows football players to make amazing touchdown receptions.

My only problem with this sort of debate is being referred to as “stubborn”, because to me, that is a clear indication that I am no longer engaged in discussion. My company is now clearly focused in a defensive win or lose war and not in a sharing of opinions and open minds.

Dictionary.com defines Stubborn in the following way:

unreasonably obstinate; obstinately unmoving: a stubborn child.

In the context of friendly discussion and debate, should one person say, “I cannot believe how stubborn you are being” means they believe that I agree with their opinions but am purposely not admitting so because I wish to be correct. This is not just arrogant and close-minded, but it also removes any positive benefit of having a discussion.

I have discussions, both to refine my points of view vs. an intelligent sounding  board and hopefully gain new and hopefully more accurate perspectives into the topic at hand.

But I admit, getting to this realization has come from years of my looking at people and thinking, ‘Why is this person being so bloody stubborn? They obviously see what I mean and know I’m right.”  Once I realized the arrogance of my perspective I began to learn through discussion in a much more meaningful and self-evolving manner, mainly because all of my interactions became more valuable and obvious to me.”

I started to realize that, surprise surprise, the majority of these people I had been speaking with, were not stubborn (in the definition above) at all.  So that left me to accept two possible alternatives:

#1 I was not properly communicating my message so to resonate with them, meaning I had to refine my evidence and perspective more accurately and simply so to engage my partner better.

#2 (and most important) I should listen more carefully to what my partner is saying and try to understand their perspective as there may have been something I have been overlooking.

Let’s take last night’s religious debate for example.

I will never agree with anyone that religion is good for humanity or that the catholic church specifically is not  totally irrelevant and harmful to the planet.

Now, let me be clear on something.

I do not say NEVER in this context because I am being stubborn and refuse to listen to opposing perspectives, I say never, because throughout the last 4 or 5 years I have done a lot of reading, research, and discussing on the matter and I am fully informed on my opinion and why I believe what I do.  I have chosen my side of the fence for a reason, whereas  most christian opinions are based, still in fairytale and not able to properly deal with the reality of religion’s impact on our lives.   This also does not mean that there are not some positives within christianity, but in my opinion, the bad is an irremovable by-product of the good.

Somehow through this frustrating yet interesting debate, I managed to take a few very important perspectives away from my discussion last night.

I think I have a better understanding of how some christians almost talk themselves into apathy and continuing with the faith, even when the evidence is clear as day. I also learned how to better form my own thoughts into words on such matters, so to faciliate a better dialogue with those viewing me simply as ‘stubborn’ for not agreeing with them (or even why they may be thinking that in the first place), this was very valuable.

When you value the people you engage in discussion with, to at least take the time to see through their eyes is very important.  You may not like the view, and in fact, it may even be frightening on a macro level, but at least you took the time to open your eyes.

I now always make sure, at least internally, I take a moment to appreciate those that care enough to share their opposing opinions with me and at least attempt to listen.

Anyone can talk at someone, but as I am still learning, it is an ongoing skill to be able to listen and speak with someone while leaving pride and ego at home.

Here is a good quote from a FB profile of a good friend of mine that I’ve always enjoyed:

The recipe for perpetual ignorance: Be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge

Thanks for reading.