In my attempt to clean up and declutter my inbox of days gone by I came across a piece I wrote in 2003 I wanted to share with you. At that time, May 24th, 2003, a friend passed away very suddenly.  We certainly were not the closely of friends by any means, but when you’re not even 25 and a high school classmate dies from something as terrifying as electrocution, its hard to not be affected.

The fact that we were not close friends I think is what grabbed me most significantly.  I began to realize how connected each one of us are.  No matter if you’ve known someone for 20 years or 20 minutes a connection is made and you may have influenced the rest of their life.  I believe we take for granted not only those that we consider our friends and loved ones, but also those people from our past that have somewhat added to our lives.

I hope you enjoy this blast from my literary past.

Sometimes its thousands of thoughts lost within thousands of moments, and sometimes its just one moment lost in a thousand thoughts.

No mattter what the cause for this sort of irregular thinking may be, the outcome will always make you a wiser person. Perhaps the passing of a yet another birthday, the appearance of that first grey hair, or today, in my case, the sight of an old warm friend in that cold dark casket.

I think a lot of us have stopped realizing how affected we are by each and every individual that has somehow crossed our paths throughout the many steps we have taken. And no matter how little of an affect each person has on your life, they have made you the person you are today.

Life is not to be lived cautiously, it is not to be lived listening to the “Ya, buts” or the “What ifs” that may stand before our most important decisions…it is to be lived with the thought that tomorrow may NEVER come. That today IS the first day of the rest of our life, and that EVERY moment should be seized with the passion of a lifetime.This does not mean for everyone to grab the first plane to the nearest tropical island, or drop out of school to pursue that lifelong dream of becoming a street mime.

It just means to ALWAYS keep your dreams in front of you…right beside that smile.Because things COULD be worse, life isn’t about always being in a good mood, its about just being here. When I think about the alternative, that’s more than enough to make my day.

And don’t take your friends for granted. I’m not just talking about those you see from day to day, but those you saw a month ago, a year ago or even 10 years ago. They haven’t forgot about you, just as you haven’t forgotten about them. And for those you see everyday, there is a point where these people go from being your friends, to becoming part of your family, and that is something to be cherished everyday.

Sure its tragic when such a carefree soul that brought joy to so many people passes from one world to the next, but how much worse is it that it takes such an unspeakable event to bring people together.

Our life is a chain of events, a chain of ideas, and most importantly, a chain of personal encounters and relationships. People that have made you laugh, made you cry, and made you wish you could turn back time.

In any event, I would just like to thank all of you for being in my life, wherever your place IS, WAS, or WILL BE. Without each one of you, there would be no chain of life, just a lot of lonely, meaningless pieces.

Send this to whoever you can, the message will be different everytime. -Michael Cecchin Wednesday, May 24th, 2003

In memory of:

Thomas “Tommy” William Hamilton

Rest In Peace July 3, 1979- May 24, 2003 You were loved by many, and you will be missed by more!

Language has been constructed and reconstructed since the beginning of time as a means for humans to communicate with one another and also a medium for our brains to think through and manage problems.

It’s my belief that we can only grasp a situation fully if we have the mental capacity to form the thoughts and the words around the presented concepts, otherwise we pull from what limited information we have and often make poor judgments.  Language also allows us to engage in semantic arguments with ourselves for the purpose of rationalization.  When we wish to save ourselves from the truth of a matter we use words as a cushion to sometimes avoid pain and reality.

One popular saying that gets tossed around like the Olsen twins in a wind storm is the, “I love her/him but I am not IN love with her/him”

Ridiculous.

This saying has recently come to mind because I heard a girl describe her current relationship in this fashion and then went even further to add, “I mean, I know I love him, I just can’t feel it”.  I really felt bad for this person as this is obviously a stressful subject in her life at the moment, but I did nearly laugh out loud at the latter comment.  It just amazes me at how often we (myself included) speak without even listening to what we’re saying at times.  No one is immune to the autopilot mouth syndrome but when it comes to love and relationships, the rationalization factor can reach the stratosphere.

If we really break it down, what is the difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone?  When you take the time to think about it, a completely different conversation must begin regarding the categorization of love, or perhaps the different stages. In any case, it would certainly result in a better working definition than the juxtaposition of  love, and IN love.

The word love itself has become diluted into a million categories for the purpose of defining language and our emotions. Platonic love, friendship love, family love, brotherly love, the love for an object or a feeling, the love for a song, and my personal favourite… ‘Luv’, the granddaddy of semantic love.  You will see people substitute “from” at the end of letters with ‘Luv’ to heroically take that imaginary defining step between “from” and “Luv.”  Our varieties of definitive love become a way for us to show affection without having to step too far out of our comfort zone.

But within language lies rationalization. Nobody wants to face the truth until there is no other option. No one wants to admit that they are in a relationship with a girl they love like their sister or mother because that’s not an acceptable thought; especially when you come to realize that and you have to get into bed with the person later that evening (Calling Dr. Freud, Dr. Freud to the office please).  So it’s merely easier to say, well “I really do love her, I’m just not IN love with her”.

Love has so many faces and facets that it has been twisted to fit into more situations than two acrobats from Cirque du Soleil working their way through the Kama sutra.

I’ve had a past relationship that was overflowing with rationalization, even from before we became exclusive there were so many red flags and warning signs.  Friends and I still recall all the cons that were associated with this girl pre-relationship, but since she was always around, she was “nice enough” and I felt it was time to grow up (whatever that means) and get a girlfriend, voila King Rationalization.  Even after a year when I was very unhappy and tried to end things, she lobbied the court to keep the relationship going and again I said to myself, “Self, she’s a nice girl and she’s probably right, you’re probably just scared of commitment. Be a man (whatever that means) and stick it out” Three years and a messy whirlwind breakup later, we were both forced to face the harsh realities we had been running from through language and utter denial.

There is a saying I heard once upon a time, and though I am sure to butcher it I will try to recreate it:

“Anger and sadness can subsist forever in confusion and deceit, but it cannot survive in the truth.” I very much believe in this.  Once you look at the truth you are forced to see life as it is, not how it might be. Within confusion breeds the possibility of change and surprise, but within truth is meaning and acceptance.

In my opinion, “I love him, but I am not in love with him” is the equivalent of giving your love life the silent treatment. It is a suspension of any real action in favour of the status quo.  The sentence itself has little meaning and is much more fashion than function.  It does nothing but prolong us from taking action, addressing the problem(s) or moving towards the difficult decisions that are now inevitable.

I’ve always taken love as a very special mystery, and one that should not be sullied and confused with semantics, categories, and triple meanings.  It takes away some of the magic.  I wish we could speak in definitive terms.  Speak to our experiences and frustrations so to face reality, take it from someone who didn’t.

Dealing with issues head on does not mean your relationship is automatically doomed, but it’s easier to cure a cancer when you’re not pretending it’s a cold. When we speak to facts and situations that exist and can be evaluated through language the answer becomes clear and all that is left to do is take action. Yes, the hardest part.

The word love used to be held as a member of royalty within the English language, that only if you were lucky enough, be honored to sit with the Queen. Somewhere along the way we decided to turn love into the court jester.   In my opinion, for someone to say, “I love her, but I’m not IN love with her” denigrates the beauty behind the mystery of love, and further more gives precedent to others to do the same.  I feel we’re all capable of better.

What Do You Think?

Its long been told that we are typically an average of our five closest friends, that our ties with our nearest and dearest are effectively a reflection of who we are and how we progress through life.

With this however, comes an interesting point; With this knowledge in our grasp do we evaluate further? Do we single out the weakest links in our lives to make a stride toward self-improvement? Or is the importance of loyalty in friendship more important than our own evolution?

When analyzing your own situation I think you can typically move outside of the “fave five” parameters and take a mental snapshot of your inner circle, be it three, five, or even seven people. I think seven should be a maximum otherwise you turn a serious evaluation into a possible Facebook survey. Just so everyone is clear, please include your spouse, significant other, and any family member that you would confide in. I think that when we confide in someone its because we trust that person enough to share our experiences with them, but also because we’d appreciate a little feedback from someone outside our own cranium. This is where our inner circle plays such a huge role in who we are.

Typically our brain trust functions as extensions of different aspects of our personalities, we make connections based on our similarities and mutual affability. But their influence on our lives extend much further than our shared love for Rachel McAdams and Back To The Future, as there are typically two types of friends. Read the rest of this entry »