In case you haven’t noticed, God’s got a pretty sweet gig.

Think about it.

He’s omniscient, all powerful, uber forgiving, and all those other neat super powers you can read about in Bible Comics. 

In what occupation in this planet can you combine the power, influence, and fame that is blindly given to high-celebrity, with the lack of accountability most of our school teachers currently enjoy? That’s right, there’s only one…

The Supreme Being.

Supernatural Overlord. 

The big…G-O-D.

Think about it.

Let’s say Johnny Christian finds out his best friend Skippy has cancer. Johnny’s first thought isn’t, “God, that jerk, why did he give Skippy cancer?”

Nope. Johnny usually goes straight to the, “Please wonderful God who controls the planet and makes all decisions for all of us, please save Skippy. I promise to go to church more often, never to swear, and I will burn my collection of Big Beautiful Booties. Just please save Skippy”. 

Not only does big G not take any of the blame for something that happens on his all powerful watch, but he acquires groupies begging for his mercy.  I mean, I’ve seen some high quality scams, but this is the crème de la crème.

Because then, even if Skippy takes a turn for the worst and ends up kicking the bucket, you think Johnny Christian would finally stand up and say,

“Listen G, WTF man? I stopped swearing, threw away all my favourite Big Beautiful Booties, and you still took Skipped.  What a jerk move! You can get your $10 a week from someone else!! We are through!”

But even THAT doesn’t happen. 

Instead, it turns into one of, “It just wasn’t in God’s plan”, “He’s in a better place now”, or my personal favourite, “God must have needed Skippy more than we needed him”.

Sure, because an all-knowing, all-powerful creature needs some random human to help him run the universe. That’s like Obama recruiting a parakeet to help him reform healthcare. I’m not buying it.

I just have never understood why it’s always an undisputed fact that God controls everything and decides on everything, but no one ever blames him for the tragedies that take place every day or holds him accountable for his decisions.  All I am looking for (though know I will never find) is a little more consistency in thought.

Imagine all men everywhere had this sort of influence:

Man- “Honey, I just wanted to let you know that I slept with your sister a few nights ago. I hope that’s alright.”

Woman- “WHAT? How dare you sleep with my sister?  I thought you were going to be faithful to me forever. You told me that if I had no other husbands other than you and didn’t covet anything that you would be a good husband to me and we would live a good life?”

Men- “Well, unfortunately, I know that’s what you thought, and you were great, but that just wasn’t the plan I had in mind.  My plan had always included me sleeping with your sister.”

Woman- “Oh, okay. Well, you must’ve needed her for a good reason then, I know how important that plan is”

Men- “Good, I’m glad. And by the way, Grey’s Anatomy has just been cancelled.”

Maybe this is why we never hold anyone accountable for their actions in today’s society. Perhaps this is why we accept substandard behaviour in everything from our educational and financial systems down to our personal relationships. If God is in control of everything, if he’s driving the car, “what the hell could we possibly do?”

Rarely do we ever hold one another accountable for our actions.

Rarely do we ever hold ourselves accountable for our decisions.

Rarely do we ever hold ourselves to a standard any higher than the last mistake we made.

It’s important to fail.

In fact, it should be encouraged, but not without productive, positive intent, and genuine effort.

We seem to be a society without standards, merely a line in the sand without rhyme or reason to its place.   

Too many people on this planet are so used to putting the fate of the world into God’s unaccountable hands, they’ve forgotten how to use their own.

In case you haven’t heard, Michael Jackson died. Yes, it sucks, and I am actually having moments of sadness lately in knowing that Michael will never recover from the scandal that plagued the majority of his career.  But alas, life moves on.

Last night I had myself a date, or more of an outing with a friend from the past.  This is a girl I met over a year ago, and we hadn’t seen one another for a while so we arranged to get together to hang out a bit. Nothing dastardly, go watch a movie, have some drinks, and basically just kill some time together.

Where the plot thickens my friends is that this girl is a serious Christian.  For those of you that know me well, or have been following this blog I know you’re already laughing and looking forward to the rest of this story. God bless you.

Michael Jackson and Pope John Paul

For those in the cheap seats, this is funny because I am a very secular guy. I don’t say there isn’t a God, I basically don’t discuss it. I  just find its a moot point. As for religion, I’m not a fan.  So the fact that this girl and I are friends at all is rather remarkable in its own right, especially since its like she comes to hang out with me just to argue and make snide christ-y comments as if at any moment I’ll break down into tears about how she’s saved me and I’ve seen the light.  I find it kind of funny.  Like when it comes up that I am not drinking for 30 days, she says (all quotes in this article are as accurate as possible yet not verbatim of course), “Is it because you’ve never given up anything for lent so you feel the need to make up for it now?”

This is where I quite correctly respond, “Or maybe I’m just able to make my own decisions instead of taking orders from the church. Besides, I do give up something for lent every year: church.”

Its this back and forth that is quite possibly why I also enjoy hanging out with her. For the sake of this post, and because at one point last night I called her Sister Mary Agnes, let’s call my friend “Mary”.

Mary and I had some time to kill before the movie so we jumped into a restaurant to have a few drinks.  Her with a vodka something and myself with a huge barrel sized mug of soda water and lime.  I guess at restaurants if you don’t drink they want to make it known to everyone around you. Thanks Kelseys.

We start our conversation on the benign and it leads into Michael Jackson, not sure how. It might be because it was on the news, or someone was talking about it, or more possibly, because its all I have spoken about since I heard he died. So as we begin, I mention a few of the songs that I like and how I think Michael Jackson is the last great musical icon I believe we’ll ever see in our lifetime. I continue to stating its too bad in the past ten years he’s been dragged through the mud by the media.

At this point, I’m not even sure I was even speaking to her or just speaking out loud to affirm my love of Michael to the world(this must be my grieving process).  Then its at this point that the conversation takes a turn for the worst.

“I don’t know how anyone could ever possibly idolize a person like Michael Jackson after what he did to those children” and she said a person as if we had just been discussing Ted Bundy or Osama Bin Laden.

At this point I thankfully thought, WWMJD, and decided against pouring my drink on her and I would instead listen to her point on the matter.
Read the rest of this entry »

For those of you up on current events, there was an Abortion Doctor that was murdered in the U.S. recently, and now the man arrested for the crime is being quoted in the paper claiming there are many more violent acts planned as long as abortion remained legal.

You can read the entire article —–> HERE

Is it just me, or does it seem oddly funny that its usually those claiming to be Pro-Life that are constantly involved in some sort of violent act or Pro-War demonstration.

Do none of these people realize that murdering people is the exact opposite of “Pro-Life”? I think the entire movement may have missed that memo; Or perhaps FOX News skipped their literary discussion on Irony.

Murdering people to achieve your supposedly Christian ideals of the sancity of life is almost laughable if it wasn’t so sad.

I’ll paraphrase from George Carlin when I say, “Murdering for Life is like Screwing for Virginity”