When I was 7 years old, based on the world I saw around me there were a number of things I thought I would be by 32.

• Married
• Kids
• Full-Time Bus Driver or Superstar Pop Star
• Living in my own house and staying there… forever.

Things change.

Coming from a Roman-Catholic Italian family, and a predominantly European immigrant community, my expectations of life were hinged largely on the ultimate goal of getting married, having a family and finding a secure and stable job that would provide me with a comfortable retirement.   Thinking back on my earlier years now, I cannot think of even hearing of an alternative lifestyle to strive for.

European Immigrants, for the most part, came from a time in which their future was very uncertain.  Many immigrants left their homelands and their families behind to start a new life in a new country for the hopes of achieving more than their fathers had. That goal included finding any sort of job (a luxury in parts of Europe at the time), and not having to “work the fields” for the rest of their lives.

So its only logical that following their perspectives, their children would be raised in a mentality of scarcity.  ”Get an education and find a secure job.”

For years this was the mantra of European parents across North America. Hordes of 1st and 2nd generation Europeans, very smart people with the capability of doing anything they wanted to in life,  lining up for a chance to work for a government or financial institution – the apex of employment stability.  And again, I am not saying there is even one thing wrong with this, if its really what your life’s ambition is.  Though if it’s not, I’m sure middle-age is going to be screaming this reality into your face as you strive to find fulfilment.

I can’t even count the times my mother begged me to apply to teachers college, or lobbied me to apply to one of our local bank branches, “You’d make such a great banker manager!” is chant I heard for a decade.   The only reason I think I rejected this pleading is because I’ve always tended to side against authority opposed to embracing its “valued” suggestions.

And aside from this work philosophy, the second you stepped into a job, any job post 20 years of age,  the chant would change… “So when are you getting married?”,  which ultimately would lead to, “So when am I getting grandchildren?”

The ultimate march of immigrant expectations in a world that is, every year, less and less like the one they were raised in.

Born, church, school, church, work, work, family, children, work, church, children, work, retire, church, grandkids, church, die.

I had anxiety over this equation for the majority of my life. Firstly, because the catholic church never really resonated with me as an “authority” that resided within the realm of reality.  But aside of that, because as I looked to my future I could never envision myself with either the same job or the same woman forever and ever amen.

Until around my mid-20s I functioned in a state of confusion and denial.  Confused at how everyone else could seemingly follow the above equation with personal satisfaction and happiness, and in denial that I could do it too.

Finally accepting that a typical suburban life was not the one for me, was probably one of the most freeing realizations I’ve ever had.  Because finally I wasn’t trying to fit my needs into everyone else’s expectations, but I could now accept my real needs and look for ways to fulfil them (regardless of what was expected of me).

“Adulthood” is a definition that, like anything in life, evolves with time.  We cannot accept the expectations of our family and friends as the guiding light to our future because none of us are the same.  We might be similar, but we’re most certainly not the same.  Your neighbour might NEED stability, and your brother or sister might crave the need to be married (that’s another emotional issue altogether), but their lives shouldn’t define yours, or mine for that matter.

So lately, I have been trying to redefine what adulthood means to me, and what I wished it could have meant all along. Because I definitely know that for me, marriage and breeding out of peer pressure or boredom isn’t the life for me.

I know plenty of people that have very happy lives with this equation and I support and wish them nothing but health and happiness, but for me, I need something… different.

I would like my adulthood to be defined as a reaping of all I have learned earlier in life, and a choice to finally share my time with someone that adds to my life and makes it infinitely better.  I don’t know if my adulthood will start at 35 or 55, but at this point, I’m just happy knowing that I finally have a compass that knows where north is; instead of following where someone else is pointing me.

Try asking yourself that same question and see what you come up with.

Are you following your own compass or someone else’s map?

Be honest!  No one else needs to know.

January 1st tends to sparks the thoughts of where we’re going, how we’ll get there, where we’ve been, and why we left. A time to leave behind what was; storing the memories behind a number, categorized internally and accessed in fondness, or locked away forever.

Since I’m obviously partial to the meaning of life conversations, January 1st typically leaves me in a state of internal review. And after a heavy night of New Year’s Eve drinking, lying on my couch and going through 2007 is exactly what the doctor ordered. Well that, 6 episodes of Scrubs, 2 episodes of House and the movie Cocktail.

Around 6pm yesterday as I groggily brushed some Ruffles off my chest, an email from FutureMe.org was delivered to my inbox and it felt like a belated Christmas gift.

www.FutureMe.org is a website started several years ago by two random guys who thought it would cool if people could write letters to themselves in the future. Obviously being the nerd at heart that I am I jumped at the opportunity and have written myself a few letters since finding the site a couple years back. But as fun as it was writing to myself, it was far better to receive the letter. I felt like I was back in highschool and just received a note from the girl I had a crush on in grade 9 math. I was happy to receive it, but the possibility of its contents left me a little nervous. I highly recommend this website to everyone, especially at the beginning of a new year.

Its incredible how your perspectives can change over the course of 365 days. How seemingly insurmountable circumstances have turned themselves to dust and faded away. Being able to write a letter to yourself puts a completely different spin on the ‘ol resolution schtick as well. Because throughout the whole year every time you feel yourself slipping from a goal I would imagine that letter in space stares back at you. You know come January 1st you will have to live up to your own expectations. Luckily I didn’t include any resolutions with last year’s letter, and thankfully so, because nothing ruins a hung over Scrubs marathon more than a dedicated session of self loathing. But surely this year’s letter will be chalked full of lofty, impossible to reach expectations; so let it be known if I have not made a million dollars and I’m not sleeping with Rachel McAdams by December 31st 2008 I will be balled into the fetal position on January 1st at the nearest motel. Please notify the authorities.

But again, I do recommend everyone check out www.futureMe.org and take advantage of the incredible service these guys are providing to everyone for free.

I also would like to know what everyone got up to last year. Maybe you can use PerfectlyTurbulent as a small FutureMe.

C’mon kids leave me a comment, put yourself out there for a moment. Let me know of something you are proud of that you accomplished last year.

As always, allow me to throw myself on the mercy of the court:

In 2007 I could not be happier of my decision to move out here to Barcelona. Its something that could have went either way, and somehow I’ve managed to make things work out.

I want to wish everyone out there a 2008 that is PerfectlyTurbulent in every way. Because sometimes when you’re forced into the madness you find the answers you were looking for all along.

Happy New Year everyone, and thanks for reading.