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Hey Genius! That’s your kid, not a labradoodle

Posted by on December 9, 2010

Maybe its because it’s December and I have been to the mall one too many times this month but I have been seeing a shockingly high number of idiot parents recently.

Yes, I am aware that critiquing parents is almost as frowned upon as critiquing the overweight and any part of the clergy but it needs to be done.  And at the same time you parents have to stop defending yourselves with, “You’ll understand when you have children.” That’s not a defense. In fact, your lack of  an explanation and the 5 year old you’re currently dragging by the shirt through Wal-Mart is further proof that not everyonewho can be a parent, should be.

Opportunity is not an indicator of ability.

When did we start equating parenthood with borderline sainthood, or that reproducing is blanketly a positive step in life?  Like in the movie, if a parent has a gun to their head their immediate defense is,

“Please no, I have 2 children!”.

Ya… aaaaaand?

Who’s to say those two children wouldn’t be better off without you passing on your undying love of the NFL and knack for getting out of speeding tickets?    I think this is just another case of human beings considering themselves a lot more important than they actually are.

In many cases, aside from the monetary support, if you manage to succeed in helping your child speak in and understand full sentences, I’m pretty sure YouTube could take them the rest of the way.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying parenting is easy, if anything I’d say its one of the most difficult jobs on the planet… just like being a neuro surgeon is a very difficult job. The only difference, is that not everyone with brain, a microscope, and a sharp knife can become a neuro surgeon.  If only procreation had such barriers to entry I think we would all be a lot better off.

I’ve had these views for a while, but lately I’ve just seen too many parents that simply put their kid on display like a new purse, or act like they should receive a humanitarian award for having unprotected sex.

Tell me if I’m wrong, but the job description isn’t simply to help prepare this new child to live in and understand the world that you grew up in, its to thrive in the world that they will grow into.

I had a conversation with a friend’s wife recently, who I think is a great mom, and we discussed how difficult it is to keep up with a curious infant. And what we came to conclude, is that human beings from birth to death are just trying to answer the question,

“So how the hell does this life thing work?”

Our curiosities begins with the necessities of eating, talking, listening, and moving, then evolves throughout our lives into more age relevant topics.

-Relationships
-Sex
-Work/Personal Fulfillment
-Understanding ourselves and our own minds

The list is forever changing and forever growing, but it all starts from when we were kids.

So after this discussion with my friend, I think it makes me even more crazy when I hear a child being yelled at or hit (this is the worst) in the mall and their only reasoning is, “No!”  or “Bad!”

Kind of like hitting a dog on the nose with a newspaper for wizzing all over the new rug.  Dogs cannot understand us, nor can we teach them to, but why do we allow this to be translated into successful parenting?

So, if you happen to be, or will be a parent one day, remember that you are the 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, permanent Earth tour guide to your offspring. What you put in, is what you will get out. And yes, if your child turns out to be a serial killer…it is absolutely your fault.

And if you don’t like (or understand) the job description, or just want something to show off to your friends, maybe you should get a Labradoodle instead.

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