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Are you the stepping stone to her dreams?

Posted by on March 7, 2011

One of the best things that I’ve learnt over the past two years is that its okay to walk out of a movie theater if you think the film sucks. And Hall Pass, with Owen Wilson is the epitome of “sucks”.  Although for the 30 minutes I watched of the film there was one amazing piece of dialogue that actually had me thinking long after I had left the theater.

Wilson’s character was trying to convince his friend to be a good husband and forget about their week off from marriage and just grovel to their wives for forgiveness.  But the retort from the friend, played by Jason Sudekis (famous for SNL and dating January Jones), was interesting.

Sudekis asked Wilson if he was living his dream or not (which clearly he wasn’t, he was an emasculated suburban dad). Then he went to explain how his unhappiness and mediocrity in life was in direct correlation to his wife getting to live her dreams.

He went on to say that women, as little girls, most generally dream about their wedding day and having a husband, a nice house and a baby.  Sure, there are women with some grander ambitions, but at the core (from an evolutionary and Cosmo perspective) women are programmed to dream of this life.    And Wilson’s character, by buying her their house, getting her pregnant (twice), and making her a wife and a mother he directly made her dreams come true.  Whereas his getting married, pretty much shut down any dream that he ever had as a little boy.

No man I’ve ever met dreams of paying a mortgage, supporting a family on his income, and only having sex with one woman for the rest of his life.    I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this lifestyle, I’m just saying no male dreams of this scenario as an succesful end goal…. ever.  It just seems to be where the majority end up.

Now, I try not to make it a habit or getting my philosophical ponderings from terrible films, but I must say, this part definitely wasn’t as stupid as the rest of the dialogue

NOTE: This entire post is more of an open hypothetical question than an actual opinion but I do think its an interesting perspective.

How many men dream of big things in the teenage years?

They dream of being the superstar athlete, the successful executive, a famous actor, or maybe jet setting entrepreneur.  And in th end the idea is that one spouse is living within their goal and the other isn’t.  The women have aspired to something (being a loving wife and mother) and achieved it and can hang their hat on that, whereas the other spouse has arrived at a reality that was more of a compromise and a  Plan B (or maybe C or D).

To be clear, contrary to my girlfriend’s opinion, I don’t have a problem with marriage, directly anyways.  I think making a lifelong commitment to someone is a very good thing, and raising children that actually contribute positively to society is a task most people don’t even take the time to appreciate until their kid turns 13… but I just wonder how many guys out there wake up at age 40 or 50 and realize that their dreams were sacrificed so that their wives could live theirs.

Or even, how many people, men and women, are living out relationships that they truly know aren’t right for them because they feel it’s easier to stick with the current person than venturing back into the unknown in the chance of finding someone that’s truly your perfect match?

The Male/Female relationship dynamic is definitely one of the more interesting things to talk about because its so multi-faceted, and I really don’t have an answer.  But the truth is, you’re the only one that can answer all of those questions.

Is your life a compromise for fear of achieving bigger things or is it the path you really want?  And of course usually, unless you’re really in the shit, you’ll tell those closest to you how amazing your life is, but when you and I go to sleep at night, or get up in the morning…. only the person in mirror really knows if we’re exactly where we want to be.

Not a bad thought experiment for a shitty movie though. 😉

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