browser icon
You are using an insecure version of your web browser. Please update your browser!
Using an outdated browser makes your computer unsafe. For a safer, faster, more enjoyable user experience, please update your browser today or try a newer browser.

On Saturday I lost a close friend to a terrible disease…

Posted by on July 30, 2007

And that disease is called MARRIAGE.

But I kid of course. One of my best friends, Jeff, was married this past Saturday in what was a picture perfect day from beginning to end. What little rain we had made sure to only appear when it was not a bother to the photos, ceremony or reception.

Usually weddings are mediocre evenings at best and leave you wanting to not only end your own life, but also to take everyone around you along for the ride. Suffice it to say I was pleasantly surprised as the day progressed I found myself enjoying the festivities more and more.

I think when you see a wedding ceremony in which you can just see and feel the joy, love and happiness from the couple involved it makes the entire day brighter.

The only dark cloud over my head all day was the fact that my best man speech was to be delivered at approx. 7:15pm and time was relentlessly pushing forward as always. Stubborn bastard. But, I am happy to say that I outdid myself this time, and blew all expectations clearly out of the water. I had 2 quick shots of whiskey about an hour before my speech and then…got ‘er done.

Immediately following my performance, I even had a close friend of the bride walk over to the head table to say, ” Excuse me, but I’ve been to A LOT of weddings in my time, and that was honestly the best wedding speech I have ever heard. I just wanted to let you know that.” I smiled, graciously accepted her compliment and then slowly made my way into the empty men’s bathroom while I fist pumped the air and jumped up and down like I had just been handed a check for a million dollars.

I’m not very shy when it comes to public speaking, however, I tend to put and inordinate amount of pressure on myself to deliver at anything I put my mind to. So in this case I WAS going for…. “the best speech ever written at a wedding.” So if I wouldn’t have reached that goal, I would have surely turned into an angry, grumpy, pissed off brat for at least a week. Its stupid and definitely a character flaw, but I’m working on it. Give a brotha a break.

Thankfully this time, the speech went off marvelously, and so I’ve decided to post it on PerfectlyTurbulent for all to see and admire. As you can tell, I’m very proud of myself, so let me have this moment….and….there it goes.

After the speeches were said and done, my appetite miraculously reappeared and the eating display began. After 3 main courses and a hefty piece of chocolate cake, I was ready to destroy my body with alcohol. Fortunately, though I had drank enough booze to cripple a small moose, because I had consumed so much food at dinner, I was sober as a priest for the majority of the night.

The highlight of the night however, was spending the evening dancing the night away with one of the bride’s friends. That’s right, we’ll call her the Speech Admirer(SA). As S.A. was looking mighty gorgeous in a cliché little black dress and sexy -up the leg laces – shoes I was pleasantly surprised when she wandered over to me on the dance floor.

The rest of the night was spent having “dance battles” across the dance floor to everything from Michael Jackson’s “Wanna be Startin’ Somethin'” to Timbaland’s “The Way I Are”….and a shockingly fun edition of Fergalicious which I normally find to be the worst song in the history of all music. (including yodeling, bagpipes and armpit sounds) But when your dance partner is spelling her own name while dancing inches away looking rather seductive, you tend to toss out any and all opinions.

All in all a fantastic wedding day. I wish my new married friend and his bride all the luck and happiest their hearts can hold.

Peace out to Brooklyn.

Comments are closed.