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Over me?!!? When were you… under me?!?!

Posted by on August 7, 2007

The other day I was speaking to a friend still semi-recovering from a nasty breakup. Thankfully I recalled some wisdom imparted to me by a lady friend a couple months ago while eating at the Olive Garden in Erie, PA (the restaurant name isn’t relevant, it was just my first time at the OG and I wanted to profess my love for it).At the time, ma’lady and I were licking our wounds over recent breakups and had decided to spend a weekend together in Erie for what I like to call symbiotic counseling. It was therapeutic to get away from my home town at the time and it also helped that my friend was female and provided me with both lovely eye candy and engaging conversation (never easy to find). Laura and I were discussing the myth on how general opinion believes men recover much quicker from the dissolution of a serious relationship than woman do. Like most commonly accepted facts, I had to disagree with this one.

All things being equal, if you are with someone for even as little as a year, they become as much a part of your life as any family member. At times maybe even more so because you’re usually much more vulnerable and forthcoming around those you love the most.

But when the relationship ends, the male usually has to get back into the hunter mentality. Back on the dating circuit, get those #s, meet new people etc. Whereas women, in my opinion, simply have to be in public. Us men, as a team, will hit on ANYTHING. So most women just have to accept one of the various advances on them and voila, new boyfriend.

Don’t even get my started on the bar scene. Put any woman in a bar…ANY WOMAN, and have her just stand there and make eye contact and smile around the room and a man will approach her. All most guys look for is ANY indication of a green light and they’re speeding through the intersection. A woman could be lying in the arms of another man, with a wedding ring on and her 15 children around her, but if she flashes a smile and wink at a man passing by – regardless of if he’s right or not – he’s thinking there’s a chance.

Now, unless after the breakup the guy goes right onto another girl that’s waiting in the wings, the average guy has to figure out a way to find his confidence again to get himself back into the field. For some people its like a minefield of rejection. BOOOOM!!!!

I’ve seen a lot of guys go down in battle over a breakup and either just bury themselves in booze or just crumble, whereas the women I’ve seen in the same situation literally just go to the bar for a few weekends and eventually end up in another relationship with the best of the worst drunks that bought them a drink and told them they were *burp* pretty. I won’t get into those girls(and guys) that think a breakup is a free license and viable reason to finally be taken home by strangers or acquaintances. Its as if they believe because their lives are in a state of ethical myopia, everyone else must be blind to their actions as well.

Obviously I am generalizing, but I’ve seen it happen enough to know its not a one-off thing. I think perhaps the fact that I received this bit of insight, firstly from a female and secondly, a female who handled her breakup and rebound time with dignity and self-respect, is why I’ve thought about it a little more and realized she was absolutely right. So to all you guys out there that think you’re in the worst place a man has ever been let me assure you of something… you’re not.

Unfortunately I can give out 55 more pages of “How to get over a breakup” advice but the truth of the matter is that its all mostly worthless. The worst fact on the planet is that time heals all wounds. I say its the worst, because its 100% accurate and you can’t do much to speed up the process. The only advice I’d wish everyone would listen to though, is that after a long-term breakup, give yourself AT LEAST 6 months to get your head out of the fog. Sure, date around, have some fun, do some things to engage your mind, but try not to get into another relationship too soon just because it fills the void. Remember a breakup is SUPPOSED to hurt like hell, it means the relationship was meaningful.

So that’s my advice, but like I said, its pretty worthless 😉

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