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That’ll be one marriage certificate and a keg stand please.

Posted by on June 1, 2008

It was Friday night and I had promised a good friend of mine I would attend his little cousin’s stag and doe to support her engagement. So around 9pm he picks me up, and somewhere along the 45min drive from my house to Niagara Falls I swear we passed through a black hole sending us reeling through time.

On the ride over, I figure perhaps I should ask a little bit about the bride and groom since I’ll be spending the next 3 hours around their closest family and friends. As it turns out, the happy couple are both 19 years old, both attending post-secondary school and somehow they also both thought getting married was a good idea. After discovering this valuable piece of information I think my next question was valid, “So, after they’re married how exactly do they get back to 1964 where they can start working the land and raising cattle?” As I think the last time getting married at 19 was a good idea it probably cost 37 cents to fill up your gas tank.

Now let me make two things crystal clear; Firstly, they seem like two wonderful people, with great families and I wish them all the best and hopefully a very long long life together. However, now that that’s said, I think they’re both out of their minds. Sure, maybe its just me (which is likely) but getting married while you are in university seems insane.

University is typically the time people learn about themselves, their passions and interests, and start realizing…oh shit, this life thing ain’t as easy as I thought. I know I certainly was a different person between my first year of university and my graduation ceremony (and I’m not just saying that because my liver was likely severely damaged after those 4 years). I can’t imagine having to juggle essays, finals, study groups, pub crawls, and homecoming all at the same time as entering into the grand institution of marriage.

And to quickly point out the elephant in the room, yes, being with only ONE person for your entire life… wow. I guess that was cool when life expectancy was 17 or 18, but if you’ve been having sex with the same person since you were 18 years old how do you plan to spice things up after 30 years and you’re both only 50. I think its safe to say for their 40th anniversary there could be some mild bestiality involved. Its hard not to get excited when new species are introduced into the equation.

But to be my own devil’s advocate for a moment, perhaps its not THAT bad of an idea (I’m talking about the early marriage thing again, stop thinking about bestiality everyone). From my personal experiences and those of my single friends, it seems after we’ve dated someone for a significant amount of time and things do not work out, we move onto our next relationship looking for the good things we’ve seen in past partners and sprinting away from the terrible traits we have endured. For example, I will never again date a girl that thinks it is okay to use Ketchup as a suitable replacement for pasta sauce (what a nightmare). Live and Learn.

As my friends and I have been dating, comparing, and sourcing out the perfect mate, the Romeo and Juliet of my story may just effectively grow into one another where us 28 year old singles may have become a touch jaded along the way. I remember the first girl I thought I was in love with in highschool, she was smart, funny, engaging, interesting, and most importantly she felt the same way. But as fate would have it, I broke up with that girl because I was afraid I would be cheating myself out of a great university experience if I spent all my time running back home for “love”. I cannot say I regret that decision because university was indeed the time of my life, but whose to say how life would have turned out if I would have followed my heart.

That’s the reason you never forget your first love, since there was nothing and no one else to compare them to they were truly the best of everything. And that, just can’t happen twice. Just another pure example of ignorance being the ultimate ingredient for bliss.

Well look how that goes, I’ve completely spun my own view around to the point that I’m nearly standing in my room applauding these two pups for taking their puppy love down the aisle. And though current studies show couples that get married at 30 years and older seem to have a lower rate of divorce, I think these two might have a chance at the long haul. A lot of people get married, because they’re simply “ready to settle down”, “its getting time to have kids”, or “I’m sick and tired of the dating scene” and their partners seem to be merely a matter of timing, in the case of these two young star crossed lovers, it appears they’re really only getting married for one thing…. because they’re in love.

To young love.

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