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The emotional trauma of loving a married woman

Posted by on January 12, 2009

Its been said that you always want what you cannot have, and now I finally understand.

When I started to realize what was happening I desperately fought my emotions back and tried to convince myself that what I was feeling wasn’t real, that it could never be, but love doesn’t listen to reason.  Sometimes you have to except that no matter how right it feels, it can never be.

I first noticed her a couple years ago on a run of the mill Saturday Night, I thought she was cute and quite engaging but never really thought much of it.  She’s always been very unassuming, yet there was always something about her, a quite confidence that’s exudes from every word from her lips.

She’s bookishly stunning -which is secretly my kryptonite- and appears to have a small facial blemish that gives her a vulnerability I can’t help but be drawn to.  Her quick wit and biting humour has pulled me closer and closer, though it would surprise me if she knows I exist.  In the past few months, she’s sent my heart reeling into submission, its like I can’t get away from her.  I seem to see her everywhere, magazines, the internet, television, and in my dreams… it was as if some higher power wanted us to be together.

When I found out she was not only married, but happily married and devotedly faithful I was devastated, beside myself with grief.  It takes a big man to be able to let the love of your life go, and admittedly I am not that man, not yet. Its much too early and the pain runs far too deep. Each time I see her face and hear her voice, though she continues to make me laugh like a 7 year old school girl at a slumber party, I cannot help but think what could have been. Another lifetime. Another world.

I leave my love on this blog for her to hopefully find one day, at the hopes of some sort of connection no matter how fleeting.

So here, in the open air of the internet I shout from my cyber rooftop, I love you Ms….

Tina Fey

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