That very phrase has escaped my lips – “I love him but I’m not in love with him.” I think it’s a very legitimate comment. It’s not a reason to stay together, but a great reason to break up!

Do you think people are really addicted to love, or are they addicted to having someone to lean on? Relationships junkies, serial monogamists = people unable to stand on their own. People like this lack the emotional strength – it is much easier to lean on someone. It’s the reason 90% of men only leave their wives if they have another relationship on the go already.

It’s funny though, it’s pretty easy to slip into this mind frame without even realizing it. I think when you are together with someone for quite a long time, it’s hard to differentiate where you end and they begin. What thought is really yours and what thought is really theirs? This brings me to the question…are you ever your true self when you are in a relationship, or do you have to be alone in order to be real you? I have thought about this question time and time again. I know that when I have been in an extended relationship and come out of it, I find that I do have to work on ‘getting back to self.’ When does compromising in a relationship develop into compromising yourself?

But is that the beautiful thing about love? You meld and mush into one? Personally, I don’t find that very appealing, but at the same time if you are unwilling to lose even a tiny bit of yourself your relationship will fail.

Is it easier to be alone? For sure – but definitely not as fun.

These relationship junkies, or serial monogamists as I like to call them, perplex me. I guess b/c I’m practically the opposite (dirty connotations can stay out of this please!) and have always focused on the most important relationship – the one with myself. So I share your sentiments – I do think it’s better to grow into yourself a wee bit before you try to blend in with someone else.

I agree as far as preserving the mystery that you mentioned. That’s why I have tried not to analyze love too much, well, lately at least There is also something to be said about love acting as an addiction similar to nicotine or drugs or any such crutch. I mean humans are by nature very habitual creatures and isn’t being with the same person for a significant amount of time more or less a habit? Therefore if this habit is broken there can be a large amount of withdrawal involved. Some can go cold turkey, some need to be slowly weened off, and other need Lohan-style rehab.

You’ll notice some people go from relationship to relationship swinging from one to another like vines in a jungle whereby defining themselves through their relationship du jour. i called these people relationship junkies, now I don’t endorse or condemn this (to each their own), I just assume it must be challenging if not impossible to define yourself as an individual if you’re constantly within the relationship dynamic.

Also admittedly I think the fact that the “exhaustive bout” that you mentioned is firmly behind me allows for a significantly more subjective view towards the topic. I imagine I would have difficulty coming to these conclusions while in the midst of any sort of emotional struggle as it usually clouds my more rational judgment.

I agree that the “i’m not IN love” card is filler language, something to talk about or use to avoid taking action in a situation. I think as humans we are cursed with the ability to rationalize just about anything – you and I are testament to this fact given our similar, exhaustive bouts of it with our recent relationships. Like you said, confusion breeds all kinds of crossroads that we constantly analyze the crap out of. And why do we do this? Because in some twisted way, it’s easier than doing what we know needs to be done. Whether it’s a difficult thought, conversation, or heart break, we never seem to be able to take the direct route. The SIMPLE, but damn hard route.

And there’s that word that got me grounded again after thinking about your question. Decluttering my thoughts & therefore my language has been a recent quest of mine. I find that when I stop and search for the simplicity in things, I seem to avoid a lot of grief that I would usually create for myself. The topic of love is not immune to this process. Being a girl, I’m genetically wired to over-analyze and rationalize EVERYTHING. I automatically did this with your question Mike, racking my brain for some past experience with it or rational answer. Then I just stopped.

I believe that love is above language and is different for everyone so it’s hard to articulate any hard truths around it. But, we try all the time. It’s our innate thirst to learn and understand everything about everything. So, maybe we can try the opposite for once? Can we try to preserve the beautiful mystery of love by putting down our weapons of words? Perhaps if we just simply let love exist, and deal with it head on when it changes, we’d all be a lot less wordy – with ourselves and each other.