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The Wedding Singer

Posted by on August 17, 2007


I’m not referring to the Adam Sandler movie, I’m talking about that drunken groomsman who’s had 12 shots of Whiskey and starts thinking his rendition of Endless Love is finally good enough for a prime time audience.

When it comes to being a wedding guest the question that seems to plague us all is,

“How drunk am I really allowed to get?”

Now I’m going to answer this for those of us with little or no dependence on alcohol and who actually care about not making total and complete asses of ourselves. The rest of you are the ones that I must thank for making us look great in comparison.

I say the rule of thumb should be never be the drunkest guest at the wedding. Always aim for about 4th or 5th to be safe.

Check out the guests all day. You can usually spot who’s going to be hittin’ the sauce hard when the dinner starts. Like the old Irish uncle that’s been sneaking swigs from his flask since the 9am ceremony, the nephew that’s drinking wine from a mason jar, and certainly the maid of honour that just realized she’s 34 and not even close to getting married. If somehow you manage to get drunker than these 3 examples you’re surely to be spoken of and laughed at during every anniversary the bride and groom ever have.

As for the wedding party, I think its safe to be as drunk as the bride and groom. Or in this picture, maybe a little drunker, as long as you’re doing your best impression of what seems to be excessive constipation and hemorrhoid pain all while saving a horse and riding a cowboy to keep the crowd entertained.

Other factors that may come into play are things like what kind of wedding you’re at, and is there an open bar.   If it is in fact an irish or scottish gathering with an open bar, I think its safe to say let the fun begin, because having partied with these people before you’re going to have to put in some serious time to get anywhere close to 4th or 5th drunkest.  If you’re in the top 15 at one of these weddings make sure nobody gets you on camera.

But on the other hand, if you happen to be a guest at a mormon wedding…well, lets just say that without alcohol acting as the social lubricant for the evening it’ll be a different experience.

All in all I think its just important to stay within your personal limits and have a lot of fun.  Once you start requesting songs from the DJ in your head and dancing to them in the men’s bathroom, it may be time to take a break a hit the midnight buffet for a much deserved  coffee break.

Or if you’re like me and function much better with only a touch of whiskey, find the nearest Maid of Honour and ride her into the reception. YEEE HAWWW!!!


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