Comments on: The When Harry Met Sally Debate… http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/the-when-harry-met-sally-debate/ Because its better to be riding the waves than fighting them Fri, 10 Sep 2010 00:23:48 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Amanda http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/the-when-harry-met-sally-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-1161 Amanda Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:48:36 +0000 http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/?p=164#comment-1161 I see your point. I just think putting all of your attention onto one person is risky. That is how people lose themselves in relationships. Then the interests, hobbies, people or whatever that brought you together in the first place disappear. Admittedly I am one of those people who does pour everything into relationships. More often then not it has been the wrong approach. You just end up smothering each other which in turn becomes a death knell of the relationship. The ass kick sentiment was more metaphorical. Maybe chivalrous would be a better word? Meaning most of my guy friends would not let some sleazy guy at a bar harass me. They (and the feminist in me hates to say this) would protect me the same as their girlfriend or any other girl out with us. Lmao - Believe me they tell me. I know. Sometimes it's consummated. Other times not. A lot of my relationships started, ended or were in some way predicated on the whole men & women can't just be friends platform. Which is why I got sucked into the post in the first place. I see your point. I just think putting all of your attention onto one person is risky. That is how people lose themselves in relationships. Then the interests, hobbies, people or whatever that brought you together in the first place disappear.
Admittedly I am one of those people who does pour everything into relationships. More often then not it has been the wrong approach. You just end up smothering each other which in turn becomes a death knell of the relationship.

The ass kick sentiment was more metaphorical. Maybe chivalrous would be a better word? Meaning most of my guy friends would not let some sleazy guy at a bar harass me. They (and the feminist in me hates to say this) would protect me the same as their girlfriend or any other girl out with us.

Lmao – Believe me they tell me. I know. Sometimes it’s consummated. Other times not. A lot of my relationships started, ended or were in some way predicated on the whole men & women can’t just be friends platform. Which is why I got sucked into the post in the first place.

]]> By: mcecchin http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/the-when-harry-met-sally-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-1160 mcecchin Mon, 02 Jun 2008 17:50:19 +0000 http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/?p=164#comment-1160 The idea is that your significant other WILL outlast your current friends of the opposite sex. You both go off and get married and have families and that SHOULD be your first priority. Do you notice that all the people that regret giving up some of their friendships are all "mostly divorced"? That speaks volumes to me. I just think if I am in a relationship, my priority is my partner not some of my other female friends. Now I don't cut all ties with those friends when I have a girlfriend, but the ones that I admit were more based on feelings from one side or the other certainly take a backseat and I think that's only respectful to my new g/f. In the case of Nora, her b/f said he didn't feel comfortable with the relationship her and I had, and she took that as a sign that she should further herself from me for the good of her relationship and I do commend her for that. Her now fianceé should be her priority, not my friendship, and I understand that. He's the one that's going to be with her hopefully for a long time, everyday, raising a family and going through life, not me. And I think she certainly has her priorities straight. Too many people keep their opposite sex friends on the backburner for the "just in case scenario" and I think that's handicapping your relationship from the start. I do see exactly what you mean about some people just being paranoid, controlling etc. And sure there is some truth to that, but then again, you have to evaluate each situation under their unique circumstances. Maybe the guy or girl have reasons to be paranoid and instead of breaking up they want to give the relationships a shot. But unfortunately that gap in trust usually begins to break down everything else. Also, your guy friends "kick the ass of the guy that dumped me"? I remember that was an appropriate course of action when I was 16. You might want to try the ice cream and ranting approach next time. And if your guy friends have told you how the average male mind works, then they should have mentioned that each of them would likely sleep with you if given the opportunity. They've already told you that, not verbally, but by "comforting and kicking ass" seems to say it all. The idea is that your significant other WILL outlast your current friends of the opposite sex. You both go off and get married and have families and that SHOULD be your first priority. Do you notice that all the people that regret giving up some of their friendships are all “mostly divorced”? That speaks volumes to me.

I just think if I am in a relationship, my priority is my partner not some of my other female friends. Now I don’t cut all ties with those friends when I have a girlfriend, but the ones that I admit were more based on feelings from one side or the other certainly take a backseat and I think that’s only respectful to my new g/f.

In the case of Nora, her b/f said he didn’t feel comfortable with the relationship her and I had, and she took that as a sign that she should further herself from me for the good of her relationship and I do commend her for that. Her now fianceé should be her priority, not my friendship, and I understand that. He’s the one that’s going to be with her hopefully for a long time, everyday, raising a family and going through life, not me. And I think she certainly has her priorities straight. Too many people keep their opposite sex friends on the backburner for the “just in case scenario” and I think that’s handicapping your relationship from the start.

I do see exactly what you mean about some people just being paranoid, controlling etc. And sure there is some truth to that, but then again, you have to evaluate each situation under their unique circumstances. Maybe the guy or girl have reasons to be paranoid and instead of breaking up they want to give the relationships a shot. But unfortunately that gap in trust usually begins to break down everything else.

Also, your guy friends “kick the ass of the guy that dumped me”? I remember that was an appropriate course of action when I was 16. You might want to try the ice cream and ranting approach next time. And if your guy friends have told you how the average male mind works, then they should have mentioned that each of them would likely sleep with you if given the opportunity. They’ve already told you that, not verbally, but by “comforting and kicking ass” seems to say it all.

]]> By: Amanda http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/the-when-harry-met-sally-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-1159 Amanda Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:40:59 +0000 http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/?p=164#comment-1159 I am on the Billy Crystal side of this as well. At one point, like Lori says, I may have believed otherwise. As I get older I think the only 'safe' way to have guy friends is to make sure they aren't single. Of course there is the chance that the girlfriend gets jealous of you or you of her...or few other scenarios none of which end well. That being said single or not I'd be lost without my guy friends. They are there to remind me of how the brain of your average male works, hold me when I get dumped & kick the ass of the guy who dumped me. It's different then having the girls eat ice cream with me & listen to me rant. The one thing that is really grating me about this post is the whole idea of giving up a friendship for a significant other: "...commend anyone that is willing to put all of themselves into a relationship" Holy shit is that the wrong plan. The biggest regret all of my older, mostly divorced, female relatives regret is abandoning friendships (male or female) at the request of a partner. Why? Well, there are two main reasons I've found and discovered a lot of my generation is living by: 1) When it comes down to it, who is going to be around longer, a girl/boyfriend or a non-betrothed to you friend? Since most of my friends are still single I'm going to say the latter. I've outlasted a lot of significant others. 2) Determining another person's friendships based on your own insecurities should set off a big alarm bell in your head. It is a huge sign of someone who wants to control and/or dominate the relationship. It also shows a healthy amount of distrust in jealousy. Why on earth would you condone that as being a sign of 'committed' to a relationship? I consider it a sure sign that a relationship isn't going to last. Seriously, if you are threatened by a guy thousands of miles away how do you feel about her male co-workers? The guy she thanks at the grocery store? How high is your paranoia level? I am on the Billy Crystal side of this as well. At one point, like Lori says, I may have believed otherwise. As I get older I think the only ‘safe’ way to have guy friends is to make sure they aren’t single. Of course there is the chance that the girlfriend gets jealous of you or you of her…or few other scenarios none of which end well.
That being said single or not I’d be lost without my guy friends. They are there to remind me of how the brain of your average male works, hold me when I get dumped & kick the ass of the guy who dumped me. It’s different then having the girls eat ice cream with me & listen to me rant.

The one thing that is really grating me about this post is the whole idea of giving up a friendship for a significant other:
“…commend anyone that is willing to put all of themselves into a relationship”
Holy shit is that the wrong plan. The biggest regret all of my older, mostly divorced, female relatives regret is abandoning friendships (male or female) at the request of a partner. Why? Well, there are two main reasons I’ve found and discovered a lot of my generation is living by:
1) When it comes down to it, who is going to be around longer, a girl/boyfriend or a non-betrothed to you friend? Since most of my friends are still single I’m going to say the latter. I’ve outlasted a lot of significant others.
2) Determining another person’s friendships based on your own insecurities should set off a big alarm bell in your head. It is a huge sign of someone who wants to control and/or dominate the relationship. It also shows a healthy amount of distrust in jealousy. Why on earth would you condone that as being a sign of ‘committed’ to a relationship? I consider it a sure sign that a relationship isn’t going to last. Seriously, if you are threatened by a guy thousands of miles away how do you feel about her male co-workers? The guy she thanks at the grocery store? How high is your paranoia level?

]]> By: mcecchin http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/the-when-harry-met-sally-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-1139 mcecchin Mon, 14 Apr 2008 02:17:40 +0000 http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/?p=164#comment-1139 Thanks for posting ladies. These comments were hilarious to read. I think every guy and girl has been in situations similar to the ones you all mentioned. Perhaps its just human nature. Two people get close to one another and sometimes that closeness and comfort evolves into something, and sometimes its mistaken for attraction. But most times that evolution is a one-side feeling that unfortunately never reaches both parties, and therein lies your problem. All I know is that a girl with too many guy friends is trouble, end of story. Whenever I do end up getting another serious girlfriend, around 2011 all I expect is someone that has as much respect for me that I do for them and I think that's what it comes down to. And by that I mean, if I'm in a committed relationship, its one thing to have communication and friendships with the opposite sex but there is always a line and a distance that must be kept. And I think if more women realized the male mind a little better their lives would be a lot easier. The last thing I want is to be showing up at the reception at my own wedding and the guest list is riddled with men that have been at one time "involved" with my new wife...but now they're just friends. No dice. Is it too much to ask that at your own wedding you should be the only guest that's seen the bride naked besides her girlfriends and parents? I think not. People try to be friends with everyone and appease everyone and hold on to friendships that have long expired. If women AND men spent a little more time focusing on making the closest relationships in their lives stronger instead of keeping a million friendships alive on life support via facebook; I think a lot more romantic relationships would stand the test of time. Thanks for posting ladies. These comments were hilarious to read. I think every guy and girl has been in situations similar to the ones you all mentioned. Perhaps its just human nature. Two people get close to one another and sometimes that closeness and comfort evolves into something, and sometimes its mistaken for attraction. But most times that evolution is a one-side feeling that unfortunately never reaches both parties, and therein lies your problem.

All I know is that a girl with too many guy friends is trouble, end of story. Whenever I do end up getting another serious girlfriend, around 2011 all I expect is someone that has as much respect for me that I do for them and I think that’s what it comes down to. And by that I mean, if I’m in a committed relationship, its one thing to have communication and friendships with the opposite sex but there is always a line and a distance that must be kept.

And I think if more women realized the male mind a little better their lives would be a lot easier. The last thing I want is to be showing up at the reception at my own wedding and the guest list is riddled with men that have been at one time “involved” with my new wife…but now they’re just friends. No dice. Is it too much to ask that at your own wedding you should be the only guest that’s seen the bride naked besides her girlfriends and parents? I think not.

People try to be friends with everyone and appease everyone and hold on to friendships that have long expired. If women AND men spent a little more time focusing on making the closest relationships in their lives stronger instead of keeping a million friendships alive on life support via facebook; I think a lot more romantic relationships would stand the test of time.

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