I know I’ve sworn a fair bit on this blog, but I’m not ready to openly curse in my titles yet.
Lately, as I read the newspaper, turn on the TV, eavesdrop on someone’s heated conversation in line at a store, or basically inform myself at all on what the rest of the world is doing I find I’m constantly asking myself the same question… “Who gives a shit?”
Seriously, it seems all sorts of media are doing their best to provide me with as much useless, misleading, and unhelpful information as possible throughout the course of my day. I understand a lot of this is just my personal preference of stuff I really just don’t care about, and some of it is just out and out trash. So here is the short list of things I’ve recently been underwhelmed with learning about.
#7 Swine Flu
Don’t take a new flu and call it a pandemic unless its actually killing more people then the actual FLU. Influenza numero uno. L’original flu. Mr. Flu.
Every year the actual real deal human to human flu kills thousands of people across the continent, and how much do we hear about that? zilch.
Now all of a sudden a pig sneezes in Mexico and the media is acting like Earth has been hurled directly into the sun. The only time I’d like to be notified about a health crisis in Mexico is when I go to a travel agent looking for a vacation.
“I’m looking for a 4-star all-inclusive beach front property along the Mayan Riviera or maybe somewhere in Cancun”
“Actually Mike, right now Mexico is trying to contain something called Swing Flu which has apparently killed a few hundred people so far”
“Fair enough, thanks for letting me know. Let’s check out Cuba or the islands”
See, that’s all I really need to know. Other than that, go to work, go to the ball game, just for chrissakes wash your hands, don’t sneeze in my face and we’ll all have to wait for another reason the world will end.
#6 Who Madonna is trying to adopt?
I could give a shit if she chartered a plane to Poortown, Kenya, filled it up with as many children as possible and brought it back to the US to start her own Olympic track team. The woman is trying to save children from what is likely a life expectancy of no more than twelve years old, leave her alone, give her whatever she wants, and move onto another story. Unless it involves…
#5 What the Pope Thinks About Sex?
Here is another prime example of society looking to the wrong people for answers.
If I want advice on who to clean feces from my Honda engine, I go to a mechanic. If I need to know my rights on throwing a city counselor down a flight of stairs, I head over to a lawyer’s office. Or, if I’m just looking to screw a group of people out of their money I’ll call a stock broker. Experts people! Look towards the experts. But if I’m looking for any advice on sex, the last person I’d be talking to is a priest, let alone THE priest.
The only thing news worthy the current pope has done is when he recently went to Africa and told the entire Christian population that condoms are not the answer to the AIDS virus and that they actually make it worse. No joke.
Read About That Genius Move —–> HERE
Now the only reason that is news worthy is because it should serve as an underlying disclaimer to anyone and everyone reading said news article that this pope is a crazy old man who shouldn’t be trusted with a microphone. He could possibly have just sent back AIDS progress in Africa 20 years…Amen father.
The only sex-related topic the pope should be commenting on is the rampant amount of gay sex going on between the clergy the alter boys, but of course, he’s decided to sit that topic out. Next thing you know his Pope-i-ness will be in Men’s Health telling me which position brings me closer to god, missionary or doggy. I’d vote doggy as its possible for parties involved to look like they’re praying. (You heard it hear first folks)
#4 The NHL Playoffs
I understand this is a huge source of pleasure and interest for many people….I just don’t give a shit. Call me if the Bruins make the Stanley Cup Championships and they’ve already won 3 games and 2 periods. But not on a Wednesday, I’m watching Lost.
#3 The NBA Playoffs
See above. But only call me if Kobe or LeBron have to play an entire game by themselves, 5 on 1 for four quarters. I’d watch that.
#2 What The Obamas Are Wearing, Eating, or Listening To?
This is also getting out of hand. So let me set everyone straight. I could give a shit if Barack wears his pajamas into a session of Congress, and hammer pants to a meeting with the DoD, its what transpires in those meetings that interests me. And I could care even less if Michelle Obama is wearing a Carmen Miranda headress with clown shoes and smoking a cigar. None of this qualifies as important. Nor is what they ate for dinner, or what is on their iPod.
I also super doubly don’t care about their family dog, not even a little
The only way these topics become significant is if the Obamas start wearing Nazi symbols on their clothing, listening to Al Qaeda audio training guides, and they eat the family dog.
If none of the above happen, you guessed it, I don’t give a shit.
Now last and most certainly least:
#1 Miss California’s View on Gay Marriage or Anything Other Than Christian Breast Implants
First of all, this has nothing to do with her actual view on gay marriage (although it is ridiculous and completed wrong) but its that someone is giving this flakey and logically inconsistent pageant contestant any significance at all. This girl defends herself with on a platform that she is being attacked for her beliefs and wishes everyone was just more tolerant and accepting of other people. Remember, this is coming from the person who told the press she thinks satan was testing her, and god speaks to her in her mind about homosexuals being sinners (i am paraphrasing), oh how tolerant she is.
I’d actually like to apologize, because perhaps I shouldn’t be attacking such a noble and pure woman. I mean, how gracious this wonderful girl is to take time out of her wonderfully righteous and spiritual life to grace us with her near naked body in a pageant of such tolerance and love. Because if Jesus were around today, if there’s anything he would be in favour of, it would be a beauty pageant. What else could be more important?
This girl should have had no more of a platform to speak about her view on gay marriage than I have this blog to speak mine.
I usually don’t watch Keith Olbermann, but this is a funny piece about the whole Miss California nonsense.